


I Thought Your Mom Was an Astronaut, Not an Alien

by Ahhuya



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Krolia never left Earth, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Pre-Kerberos Mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-05-26 14:24:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15002759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ahhuya/pseuds/Ahhuya
Summary: “You want to go to space?” Keith asks.The man laughs, “Well I do attend the Galaxy Garrison for that reason. If I’m lucky, I could be standing on Kerberos in a few years.”“Sounds boring.” Keith shrugs.“You don’t like space?” The man raises an eyebrow.“No, I would love to go there.” Keith quickly assures him. “It’s just,” he looks up at the scorching sun, letting its rays burn his cheeks more, “Kerberos doesn’t sound interesting.”“But don’t you want to know if there’s life out there?”“Not really,” Keith smiles at him, “my mom already told me there is.”Keith knows everything about space, technology, communications... it's a miracle Shiro can't explain. Until he comes to his home and everything makes sense. Not many people have a giant purple mother after all.-Where Krolia never had to leave Earth and there's a small but happy alien family living next to the Garrison





	1. The Desert Boy

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was born out of more season 6 feelings and procrastination. But I guess I'll write more for it? Since I like Keith being 100% in touch with his Galran heritage and Texas Kogane and Krolia being alive and happy on Earth...  
> Also, somewhere there was a tumblr post saying Galra are addicted to Ketchup and uhm... Krolia absolutely is...  
> POV may also change per chapter, so I'll let you know which POV is used at the beginning of the chapter. This one is Keith's.

The sun is hot and high in the sky when Keith takes his father’s hoverbike out for a ride. By the time they realize he’s taken it, he’ll already be far away. His mother is out on a hike to the canyons, her favorite spot in the desert, for reasons Keith never bothered to ask. Keith looks at them, wondering if it would be better to visit her, but turns the machine the other way instead.

He knows the bike better than anything. The right engine is weaker than the left, more prone to weight and harder to make turns with. Components for the bike are harder to find, most repairs all done by his father when the thing tries to give its final breath. His father hates it when he takes it out on his own, too dangerous according to him. Like living in the middle of nowhere isn’t dangerous enough already.

It’s just a joy ride, maybe a bit further out than usual, but nothing special. No one enters the desert anyways, not with a military base waiting around the corner. So it’s strange when he finds _him_.

He’s just passed a number of higher cliffs, jumping down from them to feel the full control of the bike. The thrill of the moment, the short moment where the engine wants to give out on him but never does. It’s exciting.

He almost crashes into a car then. The thing is parked on the bottom of the valley, in the shadow of the higher rocks. The sudden break lets dust fly up and the white/red bike almost turns entirely brown. The parked car is easily recognizable, the GG in brown and orange is one he’s seen often enough. Not that anyone would drive out all of sudden.

Slowly he takes the bike down the path of footsteps that lead away from the car. There is a single man sitting against the cliffs, reading.

“Hey,” Keith says as he slows down and slowly moves next to the man with his bike, “what are you doing out here?”

The man blinks and looks his way. “Studying.” He says and points at the book open in his lap. “Everyone’s going insane inside, so I came out here to get some calm of mind.”

Without asking further, Keith gets off the bike and sits down next to man. The book is about astronomy, a newer copy of one of the many books his father had bought in a sudden mood. Though if he has to believe him, even the newer copy would be outdated without the hundreds of tiny notes added inside by his mother.  

“You want to go to space?” Keith asks.

The man laughs, “Well I do attend the Galaxy Garrison for that reason. If I’m lucky, I could be standing on Kerberos in a few years.”

“Sounds boring.” Keith shrugs.

“You don’t like space?” The man raises an eyebrow.

“No, I would love to go there.” Keith quickly assures him. “It’s just,” he looks up at the scorching sun, letting its rays burn his cheeks more, “Kerberos doesn’t sound interesting.”

“But don’t you want to know if there’s life out there?”

“Not really,” Keith smiles at him, “my mom already told me there is.”

**…**

The man is Takashi Shirogane, or just Shiro as he introduces himself. Apparently he’s the Garrison’s wonder boy, extraordinary pilot already wanted for tons of flights. And Keith just managed to find him in the middle of nowhere, far removed from the Garrison’s base, reading about a lifeless rock floating at the edge of the solar system. After that, they talk for hours as the sun passes the horizon and slowly starts to set again.

As much as Shiro knows about the constellations, planets and other celestial bodies, Keith knows he’s heard it all before, only under different names and more detailed. Even then, he can’t get enough of Shiro just talking about space. It isn’t like his mother, who knows every spec on the night sky, every dot that leads to a memory of a exploration. With Shiro, those memories aren’t there and all there is are dreams and speculations. They’re wonderful, Keith thinks and it almost saddens him that Shiro has to leave before the stars become visible.

He’s sure he’ll never see Shiro again when the man drives his car back to the Garrison and Keith takes his hoverbike home. He doesn’t tell his parents about the encounter. After all, it won’t happen again.

**…**

He meets Shiro again a week later, after he comes back from a trip to town. The bags filled with meat, vegetables, fresh water and an unhealthy amount of ketchup are stored under his saddle, the sun hiding behind the warning clouds. He’s already passed the Garrison, the base located closer to the town than his own house. Whatever his father was thinking when he built the house there, he doesn’t know, but it’s the perfect isolation their small family needs.

He doesn’t see Shiro  until the clouds have ended up in a downpour. He finds him standing under a ledge, waiting for the rain to stop again.

“I didn’t expect you to be out here.” Keith says as he stops under the ledge as well, the sudden lack of rain clashing on his back being a relief.

“I could say the same to you.” Shiro smiles.

“Shopping.” Keith points at the saddle, realizing that it sounds stupid with the products stored underneath out of sight. “My mom ran out of ketchup.”

“Couldn’t wait until the rain passed?” Shiro asks and Keith shakes his head in return.

“You don’t want to see my mom without ketchup. She’ll punch you straight to Daibazaal.”

“I have no idea what that means, but sounds like you’ll have to get that ketchup home soon.”

Keith laughs. “What about you? Most people know not to go out with clouds like that.”

He can see Shiro turn red as he looks away and scratches the back of his head. “It was a stupid bet with a friend. See how far I could run before dinner.”

“A stupid bet, especially since you’ll be stuck out here for a while.” Keith looks back at the canyon, the Garrison is barely visible through the pouring rain. “Want me to take you back? It isn’t that far and I’m already soaked. You’ll have enough time to get dry before someone would need you.”

“Sure your mother isn’t going to miss her ketchup?” Shiro laughs.

“My dad can handle that much.” Keith offers Shiro a hand to get on the back of the bike. The ride back to the Garrison is a silent one, any possible conversation drowned in the rain.

When he drops Shiro off before the gate, he’s sure he can see a smile before he’s dragged of by who Keith assumes is the friend that made the bet to begin with.

When he gets home, soaked and cold, dinner is partially ruined by the lack of ingredients. He shoves it off on the sudden mud jamming the right engine, but his father doesn’t find anything wrong when he checks up on the bike the next day.

**…**

Things go downhill when he gets Shiro’s number during another random encounter. Though perhaps, it could be seen as something uphill, he can contact him whenever he wants now, as long as he finds reception in the desert. He doesn’t understand how or why he gets to this point. Hell, he doesn’t even _try_ to run into Shiro every time he takes the hoverbike out for a quick ride. But somehow, every time his parents take a hike to their favorite cliffs, Shiro takes a ride towards Keith’s home.

The next time he finds him, it’s closer to the Garrison and he only sees him when the man calls him over. He’s sitting at the edge of the base, playing with what seems to be radio.

“Hey,” Shiro says as Keith parks the bike, “nice to see you around here. Another trip to get ketchup?”

“Nah,” Keith says as he sits down next to him, “Just taking the thing out for a ride while my parents are out. What do you have there?” He asks, pointing at the radio.

“Matt created it, said it will allow him to pick up on signals from deep space, but until now we haven’t gotten it to work yet.” Shiro sighs, giving the thing a hard hit on its side before giving up again.

“Give me.” Keith says, holding his hand out to Shiro. The radio is heavy when it gets placed in his hand, but not terribly. If anything, it has more wires in it than necessary, but overall, it should be functional. He opens up the back, runs his fingers across several red wires and replaces multiple blue ones.

“You were close, but you need to tap deeper into a quantum frequency if you want to reach the bigger parts of space.” He states as he gives the machine one last look and turns it on, a higher static coming to his ears, waiting to be tuned right.

“How do you know this?”

“My mom.” Keith shrugs as he tunes the receiver, the cracking slowly clearing up until there’s a low rumble. “She used to be in deep space communication before settling down with my dad.”

“This mother of yours continues to be a mystery, but she sounds just as great as you.” Then Shiro falls silent and after a few blinks, he turns to Keith with a shocked face. “Don’t tell me you live in the desert to listen in on Garrison signals.”

The serious tone that accompanies the accusation is enough for Keith to burst out in laughter. “Please, even if that happened a few times by accident, mom says the Garrison is worthless when it comes to exploring space. Our ships don’t even leave the solar system yet.”

The radio cracks again before soft words start to flow through. They’re words Shiro doesn’t hear or understand. Harsh tones, filled with violence and power. _Galran_.

“Weird,” Shiro notices as he takes the radio from Keith’s hands and tunes it until it’s only static again, “I guess it’s still broken.”

“Yeah…” Keith whispers, trying to shake the words off of him. “I guess it is.”

He doesn’t touch the radio again that day, doesn’t tell Shiro how he knew which frequencies to go to. When he gets home, the look he gives his mother tells enough to stop her from asking questions.

**…**

“Have you ever considered joining the Garrison?” Shiro asks him the next time they meet. For once it’s a planned meeting, one that lets Keith steal the hoverbike, but with his mother waling out in the cliffs, he’s sure it won’t be missed.

“Not really. Anything I could learn there, my mom can teach me.”

“Even how to get to space?” Shiro asks.

“Even that. It might take some work, but some day we might be able to make some short flights.”

“So you would say no if I told you Iverson would immediately take you in if you’d just take a test simulation once.”

“Even if the Garrison did have anything to offer for me, I’m not sure my parents would let me go.”

“Any way I could talk to them about that?”

“How about this,” Keith says, leaning back to rest his elbows in the hot sand. “I’ll take you to my house, let you meet my parents and if somehow they accept you and you can convince all three of us that there’s something good for me out there, I’ll go the Garrison with you.”

Shiro smiles. “That’s a deal.”

In the moment, it seems like a good deal. But when the small house and shack come into view, Keith realizes he may have made a mistake. His dad never brought people home, his mother never went further than the canyons. And yet Keith just shows up again with a student who has ties all over the Garrison on the back of the bike.

He parks the bike next to the shack and watches Shiro jump off.

“I didn’t know people lived out here.” Shiro says, looking at the small, wooden house.

“My mom doesn’t like crowds, we’ve lived here for as long as I remember.” Keith sighs, “Look,” He faces Shiro, takes a deep breath and shakes his head, “maybe it was a stupid idea to let you come over. I don’t know how my parents will react.”

“You’re an adult, aren’t you?” Shiro laughs as he walks passed the shack to the single tree in the yard. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind it if you decided to bring a friend over.”

They wouldn’t, Keith knows that. His mother would die to meet a friend, to even see Keith consider having a friend.

“A friend who wants me to join the Garrison. Just, at least know they can be a bit… intense.” Keith warns Shiro.

As if planned, the front door of the house slams open and Keith watches his father walk onto the porch.

“Keith, did you take my hoverbike again?” The man mumbles, shaking his head. “I swear one day we should just get you your own or ask Krolia if she has anything useful left from that wreck of hers.” He looks up then, spotting not only Keith at the tree, but Shiro as well. “Oh no.” Is the only thing that leaves his mouth before his thoughts go into overdrive and he drags Keith away to the shack.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” He asks, his voice raised. To be expected, Keith knows.

“I wasn’t thinking, he wanted to meet mom after all this time.”

His father looks over to where Shiro is still standing at the tree, confused. “Is he a friend?”

“We’ve talked before. He wants me to join the Garrison, says I have talent.”

“Is he recruiter then?”

“Student, probably graduates in two years. He’s going to Kerberos.”

“That boring old rock? That’s nothing compared to what Krolia has seen.”

“I told him the same thing. It’s why he wants to talk to mom. To you too, see if he can get you to agree to let me join the Garrison.”

“Does he know she’s an alien?” His father frowns.

Keith shakes his head. “He doesn’t know anything. If,” he looks his father straight in the eye, “if you want him to leave, I’ll take him back to the Garrison and never speak to him again. He won’t know anything about this.”

His father shakes his head and pinches the bride of his nose instead. “We’re probably too late for that anyways.” He groans and points at the tree. Behind it, Keith can see the figure of another person,  hair spiking in all ways, clawed hands wrapped around a coyote’s legs as the animal gets dragged through the sand.

“Mom!” Keith calls out as he runs to her. She drops the coyote and wraps her son in a hug. “Did everything go well?”

“Yeah, nothing changed. I got us some fresh meat.” It is then that she notices the stranger in her yard. Her hands let go of Keith and instead reach to the knife tucked away on her back. “Stand back, Keith.” She growls.

“Wait!” Keith yells, grabbing the hand that is already prepared to throw the knife out. “I brought him here. He’s-“ He looks at Shiro, who hasn’t moved from the spot he’s been in the moment Krolia walked in, “he’s a friend of mine. I invited him. I trust him.”

“Is that so,” She looks at Shiro, back at Keith and then to her lover who can only smile in the background. Krolia sighs and places the knife back again. To Keith’s surprise between her concern, a smile appears. “I never thought I’d see the day my son would bring a friend back home. I’m Krolia.” She says, walking to Shiro who slowly seems to find himself again.

“Shi-Shiro.” He brings out with most effort as he  unknowingly follows Krolia’s example in holding her elbow in a Galran greeting.

“Well then, Shiro.” She walks back to the coyote on the ground and drags the animal back into the house. “You’re welcome to join us for dinner if you want. Any friend of Keith is a friend of ours.”

The moment the door falls shut and his parents are out of sight, Keith can hear a forced breath leave Shiro’s lips.

“You weren’t kidding when you said your parents were intense. But purple?” He groans, scratching the back of his head.

“Sorry.” Keith laughs, “but I couldn’t really say she came from outer space, could I?”

“It would explain how you knew so much without ever going to school.”

“I’m sure she’ll gladly answer all your questions as well. If you want any firsthand experience to Kerberos being boring, my mom is the best to ask.”

Shiro gulps. “Yeah…”

“So,” Keith smiles, pulling Shiro in the direction of the house. “Are you saying yes to my mom’s ketchup coyote or would you rather have garrison mac and cheese? Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back before curfew.”

Shiro can’t say no to that.


	2. Just One Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *falls down* I hated writing this chapter but I had to get it out of the way to get to the more fun parts (not that I have a single idea what I'm doing). Somehow my brain wants to make this an angst/crack story so... that will be fun.  
> The support on the last chapter was amazing and I can't be more grateful to all of you T-T I love you guys!  
> Anyways, a Shiro POV for this one!

He has made a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake. Meeting a cute boy’s parents is usually one of the later steps of a relationship, but not when said boy need to be recruited. He still sees the shimmering light reflected from a knife in the corner of his eye, a threat that still hangs around the room.

On the table lays what’s left of the earlier killed coyote. Whatever part of the meat isn’t covered in ketchup, is charred black. At the sight, Shiro already loses most his appetite. The way Krolia tears half the animal apart with her claws and fangs removes the rest that was left of it. It’s a threat, maybe unintentional, but the message is more than clear: don’t try _anything_.

He should have gone back to the Garrison. Even genetically modified peas sound better than burned dinner with a killer alien. It’s a mistake, but not one he wants to admit.

“So Shiro,” Keith’s father, Tex as he introduced himself when Krolia had left to ‘cook’, “how did you two meet? Keith never brought people here before.”

Keith looks at Shiro, who does his best to keeps his eyes fixed on Tex, anything as long as he can ignore Krolia’s eating. He doesn’t need to speak his thoughts to anyone, they’re clear with every forced smile. All four of them know why no one ever comes by and it’s tearing apart a wild animal with ease on the other side of the table.

Shiro scratches the back of his head. “He found me while I was studying a few months ago.”

“You parked your car terribly and almost made me crash into it. After that, you just showed up everywhere and didn’t leave me alone.” Keith corrects him, taking a big bite of his food, ketchup dripping down his chin.

Shiro laughs before stopping himself again. “I’m a pilot not a driving instructor. And how was I supposed to know you live out here?” He takes a deep breath before finally taking a bite of his coyote. Too much ketchup, meat too dry underneath. He puts the leg back on the plate again.

“I sure hope you land your spaceships better then.” Keith mutters with another bite in his mouth. Maybe it’s an alien thing to like the food, Shiro wonders.

“As long as you don’t crash in someone’s backyard, I don’t think anyone will mind what you do.” Tex shrugs.

“You say that as if it wasn’t the best thing to ever happen.” Krolia glares as she takes a hind leg from the table. Half of the coyote has already disappeared through her. Shiro takes a quick look at Tex’s plate, where only half of his first piece has been eaten.

It’s a small cough from Keith that breaks the fun between his parents and drags Shiro back to the reality he’s in.

“Shiro,” Keith says as he motions to his parents with his head, “didn’t you come along to ask something? About the Garrison and all?”

The word ‘Garrison’ is enough to turn everything against him. Krolia’s eyes glow with suspicion and Shiro can only be glad that he doesn’t have a knife thrown at his face yet.

“Right.” Shiro swallows. Oh, this is the worst mistake he could make. “I have gotten to meet your son and I see there’s much more for him than driving around the desert every day. The Galaxy Garrison can give him a future he won’t find here.” Does that sound right? Maybe, but there is no way it will ever sound right in front of protective parents.

“Are you taking my son from me, Shiro?” Krolia asks, her hand tightening around the hind leg she’s holding.

Shiro shifts in chair, leaning back when her bright eyes look at him. “N-never.” He assures her, turning red, looking away to find any help he won’t get. “I just want to make sure he has a future out there, besides living in the desert forever.”

“You want my son to face the dangers of space.” She growls.

“The Garrison offers more than just space missions, he wouldn’t even need to leave the ground, but I’m sure he has a bright future out there.”

“Even if he does,” His father joins in, “there is no way he can join the Garrison. He’s too old to enroll and we don’t have the money.”

“Actually, we’re doing an open simulation next week.” Shiro says, looking over at Keith. “It’s mostly to have family of cadets try out, but if you can impress the higher ups, I’m sure they can get you into one of the classes.” He smiles. “You already have a lot of knowledge, Iverson should be able to arrange a scholarship for you.”

“You’re really set on getting me to enroll, aren’t you?” Keith laughs, ketchup dripping of his chin.

“I see unused potential go to waste.” Shiro explains. “You don’t have to join if you don’t want to. I only want to make sure you know what’s out there for you.”

Keith glances over to his mother, who sighs and takes another bite. It’s agonizing, the silence and the only sound of chewing dry meat. When the meat is completely gone of the bone, she looks at him again.

“I won’t let you take my son to space. I have worked too hard to make sure he wouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“Don’t worry.” Shiro nods, “even if he would pass for the pilot track, cargo pilots usually don’t leave the planet.

“ _Usually_.” Krolia corrects him.

“We can make it into a ‘never’” Shiro  says. Only then Krolia sits back in her chair again. The tension however, continues to remain in the air.

“Maybe it’s better if you go. Keith can bring you back to your base.” She says and stands up from the table. Every second until she’s out of sight, Shiro  can only watch. She’s tall, has strong muscles, claws and her knife is always strapped on her. She’s a danger.

“Come on,” It’s Keith’s voice that makes him stop staring. “let’s get you back. Before dad gets the wrong idea as well.”

Shiro nods and follows. He’s never felt as glad to stand in the desert until now. The cold evening air, the sand hitting his legs, the open space where he can’t be cornered.

The ride back is silent, the atmosphere of dinner still surrounding them until the Garrison is in sight again. Keith drops him off at the gate, but before he can turn back home, Shiro stops him. He takes out a small piece of paper and write on it with a pen he’s kept in his uniform.  

“Just see if you want to come.” Shiro says as he hands over the piece of paper with the date and time of the simulations on it. “I’ll wait here if you decide to give it a try.”

“Don’t worry.” Keith says as he starts the engine again, “I’ll be there.”

**…**

A part of him doesn’t expect Keith to actually show up. But a week later, a terribly long week of Matt making all the arrangements to get his younger sister to come over for the open simulation, Keith shows up. Shiro waits at the front gate as agreed when a dust cloud comes his way. The red hoverbike always a beauty to see, how despite it’s terrible condition, the thing never fails to function. More beautiful however is always the person driving it and when Keith stops the bike, Shiro can’t help but smile.

“I’m glad you came.” He says as he leads Keith and the bike inside the base. They park the vehicle there, to make sure no one can take it while they’re gone.

“I don’t think mom wants me to be here, but she’s out in the canyons again. Dad didn’t mind if I took his bike once more.”

“Well as long as she didn’t send you to threaten me more, it’s all fine with me. One attempt to kill me is more than enough.”

“Yeah,” Keith smiles, “I’m sorry about that. We need to be cautious, you know. Especially around the Garrison.”

“I understand. You even warned me.” Shiro assures him. “Come on,” He says as he pushes Keith towards the entrance, “I managed to schedule a simulation spot for you. Better not let the commander wait.”

They walk into the building then, leaving the topic of the family in the desert alone with the surrounding officers. The place is full of life, cadets and family swarming around to get more information.

Despite the crowd, Shiro knows where to go, who to ignore and who to give a small sign to just come along to watch. In the end they arrive at the simulator in time, Iverson waiting for them at the system. Shiro gives him a quick salute before leading Keith into the simulator and starts explaining the base controls.

“You shouldn’t have to worry about communications or mechanics. Just try to get the thing of the ground, fly to the designated planet and land.” Shiro laughs as he gives Keith a reassuring pat on his shoulder. Nobody expects him to get any far though, no one does on their first try. Most cadets don’t even get the ship of the ground, the others crash into one of the sudden astroids until at least a year into their course. The starter’s simulation isn’t meant to be completed. It’s a test of skill.

“Are there any dynotherms? Megathrusters? Klygargs?” Keith asks as his hand run across the controls.

“What?” Shiro blinks. “I don’t think we have any of those.” If he even knows what they are supposed to be. “Just…” he pinches the bridge of his nose. ”try to fly it and don’t worry about the any of that. See if you get any feeling from the ship.”

“Right.” Keith nods.                          

“We’ll monitor the simulation outside. Once you’re done, you can come out and we’ll see what to do then.”

Keith nods again, his eyes focused on the screen before him. Shiro doesn’t think he’s listening anymore with that much focus in his gaze. When the door closes behind him, he can’t wait until Keith steps out again.

**…**

Simulation day always takes the most from Iverson. When Shiro stands next to the man to watch the recordings of the simulation, there is only a short huff that acknowledges his presence. The screen is more interesting anyways. Keith sits alone, talking to himself in unknown words as he runs through the launch protocol. The first surprise is when the ship leaves the ground and Keith smiles.

As much as Shiro wants to be in there with him, guiding him through the debris, just watching Keith fly is a joy on its own. The fluid motions of the ship, the excitement on the boy’s face, it’s a sight he can fully enjoy now, no worry of Keith getting distracted from it. Iverson watches from the corner of his eyes. He has to be blind to miss out on talent, especially when it’s not from this world.

 “I see you brought something amazing with you.” Shiro looks aside to see commander Holt step next to him. He nods, looking at the screen.

“I just wanted to make sure he saw his future. I’m glad I didn’t make a mistake with it.”

“His family must be proud of him.”

“They are.” They don’t want him to be here, but they love him for everything he does. “But I guess if any family is proud, it’s yours. How did Katie do in the simulator?

The commander laughs. “She crashed it before ever getting off the ground.  Communications is more her thing it seems.”

Shiro laughs along. The Holts may not be a piloting family, but two inside the base and a third working hard to join, that’s a family worth looking out for.

 “But I’m curious. Where did you find this boy?” Sam asks when the ship starts its descent.

“Actually, he’s the one who found me.” Shiro says as he watches the end of the simulation. It’s close to getting into orbit before the screen starts to shake. A disturbance in the atmosphere and the ship starts to fall. After a few quick circles in its fall, the screen turns black. Simulation failed. As if. With how far he’s come, that’s more than a successful simulation, it’s a record.

The news spreads fast, because before Shiro can get back to the entrance of the simulator, multiple instructors have gathered around the screens.

“Congratulations, Keith.” Shiro smiles when the doors open and the boy steps out. “That was an amazing flight.”

“I didn’t land it. You can’t call that a success.” Keith shrugs.

“You do realize the difficulty is set too high for a beginner pilot, right?” Shiro frowns. Whatever Krolia has taught the boy on only a hoverbike, is impossible to understand.

“Still not the same as a real ship. Any crash is a crash too many.”

“Which is why we’re _teaching_ how to fly. This score is the best we’ve ever seen.”

That makes Keith smile. “Well, you were right in the end. Flying felt amazing, better than just the hoverbike. I want to do more of it.”

Shiro eyes back to the group of instructors, all ready to ask their questions to the mystery talent.

“I think that won’t be a problem.” Shiro says. Krolia is going to kill him for taking her child. He can already see his short life flash by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was also written way too late so I don't think my editing got every mistake out... sorry for that.  
> Also, Keith joining the Garrison doesn't remove Krolia or Tex(as) at all, you'll defenitely get more of them along with the Sheith


	3. Behind Enemy Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 2 months? I'm so sorry for taking this long, I wanted to upload more, but my summer suddenly existed of 30 hours of work every day and writing for 3 bangs (two of them are posted and are Sheith so check those out maybe?)  
> Anyways, this project isn't dead and I'm back (maybe? I hope uni will kick me back to a normal writing schedule again). Tbh I saw peope talk about this fic on twitter and spent the rest of the week writing this chapter.  
> As always, I don't have a beta so if there's any mistakes, please let me know! That being said, enjoy the next chapter of this fic!

 

_Dear Mr.Kogane,_

_In response to your performance on our open simulator on June 12 20XX, you have been accepted into the cadet program. Because of this outstanding achievement, all costs for tuition and housing will be covered by the Garrison’s scholarship for promising students. Starting next semester, you will be entering in the rank of senior cadet to accommodate to your current age and experience. Any other necessary classes will be taken as extracurricular during this year._

_If you wish to partake in the Galaxy Garrison’s cadet program, please let your parent(s)/guardian(s) fill out the attached paperwork. An appointment to discuss your classes and specified track, as well as moving to the dorm, will be made by phone after all documents have been received._

_Sincerely,_

_Commander M.Iverson_

_-Head Education Galaxy Garrison_

Keith crumbles the piece of paper in his hand. The moment his mother had grabbed the letter from their mailbox in town, she had thrown the thing in front of him. She didn’t want to know its contents then and Keith is sure she isn’t interested in it now that five minutes have passed. She has already gone out again, walking through the desert in an attempt to clear her head. His father sits in front of him, clearly more interested than his mother.

“I got in.” Keith shrugs like it isn’t a big deal, like he doesn’t care about it. If he does so, he tells himself, then eventually he really will stop caring.

“I’m proud of you, son.” His father tells him as he stands up from the table and runs a hand through Keith’s hair. The smile on his face is one only used for the special occasions, like when his mother made the first dish that didn’t give everyone else food poisoning.

“I don’t know if I want to go there.” Keith admits then, staring at the crumbled letter in his hand. “I don’t think it’s the place for me. I already have you guys.”

“And you shouldn’t stay sheltered out here. The Garrison can teach you things we never could. And that Shiro guy seems nice.”

Keith groans. Shiro _is_ nice, but Shiro is also trying too hard.

“Can you please sign these then?” He says as he straightens the paper again. Through all its wrinkles, one of the many empty spots for his father’s signature appears again. The moment the letter is out of his hands, a new burden fills them. He’s going to become a cargo pilot and with it, he’ll be alone for the first time in his life.

**…**

Two weeks later, he’s standing in front of the Garisson again. An enthusiastic Shiro is already waiting for him outside, waving at him when he parks his father’s hoverbike outside.

“Glad to see you decided to take the offer.” Shiro says as he guides him into the building, through numerous hallways, to Iverson’s office.

“My dad convinced me.” He shrugs. His mother, after going out for one day, eventually came around to show her support as well. Though hers became covered in a thick layer of warnings that he should be careful around people. For his own safety, he knows she means, but in the end it’s also for her own. One wrong move and their happy family in the desert no longer exists.

“I’m glad he did. What about Krolia?”

“Let’s say her threats still count.” He says. As Shiro’s face turns sour again, Keith laughs. “You’re invited over for dinner again though.”

“I think I might pass.” Shiro smiles back before he stops in front of a door. He knocks and after a soft ‘come in’, Shiro opens the door.

Iverson sits behind his desk. A stack of paperwork is laid out in front of him. Keith recognizes the copy of his birth certificate, the most difficult thing his father has worked for in his life. Keith is glad he was only a baby when his parents had to figure out how to put his mother’s name on the document without raising any suspicion. He doesn’t want to know the details, most important is that it worked out in the end.

“Officer Shirogane.” Iverson says, before his eyes move over to Keith. “Kogane.”

Keith gulps. No one ever called him by his last name before. He had always been Keith, just Keith. Kogane was his father, an entirely different person.

Iverson points at the single chair in front of his desk and Keith sits down after a soft push on his back from Shiro. Shiro gives one last greeting before it’s just Keith and Iverson in the room.

“I’m glad to see you decided to take on the offer. The pilot class should feel honored to have you.”

“Thank you, sir.” Keith says, almost afraid to look the commander in the eye.

“I take it you want to get into the pilot class at least. With scores like yours, you’ll be in the top of the fighters in no time.”

“About that,” Keith looks at the application that lays between the two of them. His father’s handwriting stands out clearly. The strong letters in black ink, the way certain letters run through the printed ones already on the paper. “I don’t know if it was in the application, but I want to be a cargo pilot.”

Iverson frowns at that, looks at the papers, back at Keith and down at the papers again. “Cargo pilot?” He asks, like the request is the weirdest thing he’s ever heard in his probably long life.

Keith nods. “Cargo pilot.”

“You know you can still be moved up in the specialization later in the program. As it is now, you’ll be placed in the first year of senior cadets. Official simulation teams aren’t formed until the second year.”

“Thank you, sir.” Keith says again. “But I think I might still want to be cargo pilot after that.”

Iverson sighs and shakes his head. There’s no arguing, they both know that. Krolia’s words are too strong in Keith’s mind and any opportunity that gets him off the ground is a good one. Cargo or fighter pilot, he’ll take both chances with open arms.

“I see.” Iverson grabs a different stack of papers, a timetable and a list that continues for the next five pages. “Because you have not been enrolled in the Garrison’s junior cadet classes, _these_ are all the extra ones you’ll need to take. You won’t have to come to the lectures, catching up on the books and making the exam will do. Your regular classes are down on this schedule. Make sure you’re on time for each one of them. If you run into a wall anywhere, officer Shirogane has offered to mentor you. Contact him when necessary.”

Keith takes the papers. The schedule is already full on its own: Monday to Friday seven to five, excluding any additional homework. The list of extra classes makes it worse before Keith takes a few seconds to read over its contents. Astronomy, basic engineering, analysis, physics… not the most difficult subjects. Some of the books on the list, he’s already read before, or had his mother read to him. He could easily take one of the ‘fixed’ versions with him, but with the look Iverson has on his face on a good day, Keith decides not to try his luck.

Yet.

“I need you to sign this as well.” Iverson says as he pushes a piece of paper in front of Keith. “It’s about the dorms and you consent to live under our supervision for as long as your education lasts.”

Keith almost doesn’t look at the words in front of him. Whatever rules the Garrison has about their dorms, what he can take with him and what he can’t, he doesn’t have to know right now. He’ll figure it out eventually, maybe even when his stay is already far along the way.

He signs and gives the form back.

“You didn’t read it.” Iverson notes and Keith shrugs.

“I don’t expect living here is much different than living back home. We’re both in the same desert, dealing with the same kind of things.”

Iverson frowns at that. “You live right next to the Garrison?”

“Yeah, me, my mom and my dad. We’ve been there for as long as I know. We’re not bothering anyone there. It’s a nice place for my dad to get some peace of mind and my mom enjoys going on hikes.”

“Yet the only one signing the document of your application seems to be your father.”

“My mother didn’t want me to come here.”

**…**

He doesn’t return to the Garrison until it’s time to move into the dorms. The ride is short, but he never wants it to end. His hands curl around Krolia’s jacket. Despite the protests, his mother was determined to drop him off. The small bag with his belongs is tucked underneath the seat. He doesn’t have much, he doesn’t feel like taking much with him when everything he needs is within a few hours of driving.

Krolia’s face is covered by a helmet, dark purple with a soft pink glow. It’s a memory of her time in space, she tells him. It looks normal enough to be seen as a custom-made helmet for a biker and despite the many attempts his father made to get her something ‘normal’ the space helmet stayed. The purple visor hides her skin color and with that, she almost looks human.

There is a small crowd of people standing inside the parking lot. A group of teens, younger and older than Keith, are already present. A few heads look up at the sound of the stuttering hoverbike engine, but their gazes return to their parents or friends when the bike come to a halt.

Keith jumps from the bike before Krolia has officially parked the thing. She swings her leg over the seat in a swift movement. Her eyes glance over the building, taking in every wall in sight like she hasn’t looked at it multiple times before. She doesn’t trust the Garrison, she has all reason not to. Yet she stands right in front of it, facing a high number of officials like she isn’t the sign of extraterrestrial life they’ve all been looking for.

“Keith.” The sound of Krolia’s voice is dulled through her helmet, but it’s enough to have him look back at her. “I want you to have this.” She says as she reaches to her back. Her hand comes back with her blade laying in it. The Marmora knife, her identity to the people she left behind in space. Her family, and in some way, _his_.

“Don’t you need this?” He asks as he takes the knife in his hands.

“I want to make sure you can protect yourself. Your father and I will be fine, we have been before.”

He’s heard the stories, or parts of them. About the threats when he was still a child, about the enemies still circling around somewhere, waiting for the right time to strike. They hadn’t attacked now, they might not attack for the next hundred years and if they would, the knife would warn them.

“Thank you.” He says as he hides the knife in his bag. He doesn’t want the Garrison to take it away the moment he sets foot in the base.

Before he knows it, he’s pulled in a hug. His mother’s arms are crossed tightly around his back, pressing him against her. She buries her head in his shoulder. The helmet presses heavy in his skin, but he lets her.

“Take care.” Krolia whispers, as she pulls him closer. “If anything ever happens, just contact us and I’ll come get you immediately.”

“Don’t worry, mom.” Keith smiles. He doesn’t want to let go, no matter how many eyes are fixed on them. He won’t get the opportunity in a long time. Because a few hours with a hoverbike is still a few hours too many.

When she finally lets go of him, he’s almost certain there are tears hiding behind her eyes, hidden by the visor. He feels them sting behind his ow eyes as well, but he refuses to cry.

“I’ll be fine.” He promises her. “I have Shiro to look after me. Maybe he can rent out some bikes for us soon so we can visit.”

“He’s a good guy.” Krolia nods, looking at the Garrison behind them. “Keep him close.”

“I will.” Keith smiles as he swings his bag over his shoulder. The other officers and cadets are already preparing to move inside. He has no time to stay out any longer. Nor does he want to see his mother surrounded by officers any longer.

“Go,” she says as she sits back on the bike again and starts the engine, “become the best pilot they have ever seen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Keith is all in the Garrison now, but I swear his parents are still important. I have a lot I want to explore in this fic, but I also don't have a single outline so whatever I'm doing next depends on how I feel.
> 
> Also! If there are any artists with their commissions open that read this fic (or if you know any), I have some money left from work and zines so... if anyone's feeling up to draw for this fic/AU, hit me up!
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Ahhuya) or [Tumblr](https://aulra.tumblr.com/)


	4. The Worst Person Award

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a pretty good day so I decided to post this chapter. Uni has officially started again, so depending on how much I need to do there updates might be frequent or extremely lacking (I'm already around 100 pages behind on reading and I have my first actual class this monday...)  
> But good news is that I finally decided to make some sort of outline for this fic. As it is now, there will be at least 17 chapters, but I'm already derailing from that outline... ah well.  
> I decided to mix s7 into this fic. I started it before the season aired, but since I have zero outline to follow, it's pretty easy to adapt to it :')  
> In this chapter: Keith meets his new classmates and Lance is being Lance.  
> And as always, I don't have a beta so if there are any mistakes I (obviously) missed, let me know!

James Griffin is the most annoying person in the entire Garrison. It takes one minute of stepping into the dorm to know this. All Keith wants is to drop his bag on the bed, lay down and check out the first stack of books for the semester. Step one on that list is already impossible. The bottom bed of the bunk is already claimed by his roommate, who glares at him from the desk on the other side of the room the moment he steps inside.

“Don’t get your dirty shoes on the bed.” Is the single warning he gets when Keith approaches the bed so he can throw his bag on it. No names, no introductions, just pure rules that apply to the room and hopefully _only_ the room.

Keith lays the single bag on the floor, gives his roommate a single look and then kicks his boots off.  He then throws his bag on the bed climbs on top of it and takes the moment to unpack. He doesn’t have much to place in the room. There’s his clothes -that he knows he won’t have to use with the cadet’s uniform laying folded on top of his sheets- books filled with his mother’s notes and his knife. He tucks the weapon under his pillow where it can protect him and be out of the hands of anyone he doesn’t trust. At least for the night. The next morning he’ll tuck it under his uniform, hoping no one will notice it.

He climbs off the bed and places his clothes in a cabinet before he faces his roommate again. The boy hasn’t moved from the desk he’s sitting at, but at least decides to turn his chair around when he realizes Keith is done settling down.

“Hey.” Keith says. “I’m Keith, nice to meet you.”

“James Griffin.” His roommate replies before checking Keith over. “You’re new here, aren’t you? I heard officer Shirogane found some kind of special kid, but I didn’t expect him to fall for someone like you. Not after everything else he’s gone through already.”

“Shiro has nothing to do with me being here. It was my own skill that got me that scholarship.”

“That may be the truth, but” James crosses his arms, “would you really be here if officer Shirogane hadn’t dragged you to that simulator?”

Keith falls silent. He wouldn’t, he would still be in the desert, driving the hoverbike until the thing would finally die on him. He would still watch his father leave for work on ungodly hours, going out to save lives. He would teach himself everything he’d want to know and then get stuck when he’d become too old to stay with his parents. By then, he would be too old to get into any school and Shiro would already be far out in space, unable to ever meet him.

“That’s what I thought.” James says. “But apparently Shirogane sees something in you. As long as the simulator wasn’t broken when you tried out, I guess I’ll have to see that too.”

When Keith doesn’t answer, James sighs and shakes his head as he returns to his desk. “Just try to follow the rules around here and we can probably get along.”

Keith nods silently and lays back on his bed again. He grabs one of his mother’s notes and browses through them for the rest of the night. Somewhere along the evershadow of Krell, he decides to call it a night, dreading what the next day will bring.

**…**

James will have to share the title of annoying person. It’s only the first morning of classes and one entity likes to make itself all too clear. James is a silent presence during their walk to the gym, where their early drills take place. James is almost, _almost_ , good company compared to the walking megaphone that joins them later.

“First day of senior cadet! Can you believe it?” Keith looks aside to see two boys walk into the room. “Before you know it, it’ll be goodbye to Mr. York’s algorithms and hello to more simulator time.”

“I feel like we’ve had enough simulator time already.” The boy next to the yelling mass shakes his head.

“It’s because you’re scared, Hunk. With me as your pilot, nothing is ever going to happen.”

Hunk groans and forces a smile on his face. “I’d rather be a ground engineer. Nothing against your piloting, but any ship that moves is a danger to my stomach.”

“Don’t remind me. I’m not looking forward to another lecture from Iverson about vomit and machines being a bad match.” The boy sighs as the two of them finally join the rest of the group.

“New guy?” He raises an eyebrow when he sees Keith. “I thought we were only _losing_ people by now, not getting new ones.”

“This is Keith.” James says. “He’s my new roommate.”

“Hey.” Keith raised his hand a little in a greeting.

“Well, a new guy means another person who can see I’m the best the Garrison will have to offer.”

“Lance… You crash every simulator you get into. You’ll be lucky to even become a cargo pilot next year.” James crosses his arms. There’s history here, Keith realizes. History he isn’t sure he wants to know about, though soon enough, he’ll probably learn it anyways. Probably the next moment their simulator class is scheduled.

“As it is now, there is going to be an open spot for fighter pilot next year. That spot is going to be mine.” Lance huffs with a radiating confidence.

“Congratulations and you’re welcome?” Keith says as he raises an eyebrow at the boy.

“Why would I need to thank _you_ for that?” Lance asks. “It’s not like _you_ own that spot or anything.”

“Last time I checked, commander Iverson wanted to give it to me. I refused.” Keith shrugs.

The boy falls silent for a second, his eyes widening until Keith is certain they’re about to pop out of his face.

“You?” He asks in a soft, disbelieving voice.

Keith nods. “That’s what he said. But it doesn’t matter until next year. I’m not really interested in becoming a fighter pilot.”

“No, no, no.” The boy shakes his head and grabs Keith’s shoulders. “You’re the new guy, you can’t just get a spot in fighter class handed to you like that. You haven’t even worked for it yet.”

“Come on, Lance. I’m sure he worked hard for it.” Hunk says as he puts a hand on his friend’s shoulder and pulls Lance away from Keith’s face.

“Working hard on having officer Shirogane fall for him.” James whispers under his breath and Keith is certain he doesn’t want to be in the room anymore.

When Iverson comes into the room, he makes sure to run several meters in front of the rest, ignoring them the best he can.

**…**

He doesn’t see Shiro until later that week. Or better said, he hears Shiro. His calm voice sounds over the comms of the small simulator, feeding him positions to move in. Keith’s jet is at the back of the group, closing a simple formation.

_‘Bank right and maintain heading at 0.25 degrees.’_ The stick of the simulator is lose, used too much and not maintained enough. They’re only beginner simulators, the explanation for every button’s use is almost still written down all over the dashboard.

_‘Increase throttle by 30 percent and bank left.’_ The formation turns left and Keith follows. He’s is glad he’s inside one of the ships himself and doesn’t have to face how sloppy they look to their instructors. If this is what the next generation of space explorers is going to be, the Garrison better have a good autopilot on their rockets or a major need for engineers.

_‘Increase elevation, 15 degrees.’_ They move up again. Their unit lacks unity. They’re classmates but no teammates. Whatever mistake one makes, the others will mock. It’s a race to be the best and Keith is last in line, far behind the leading James Griffin.

_‘Decrease elevation by 22 degrees.’_ Flying is nice on its own. The feeling of being in the air, disconnected from the Earth, taking the first step to something further out there, is something he never knew he missed, even if it’s inside a machine. He lets his hands loosen around the controls and leans back in his chair. It’s only a simulation, one with a team he doesn’t know how to work with, but for the moment, he lets it be his reality.

**…**

His review on the flight is positive, not outstanding, but good. Shiro smiles softly at him when Iverson makes his round of yelling at people. Not everyone can keep a ship straight and their formation was broken multiple times by self-claimed piloting talent Lance McClain and vomit professional Hunk Garret. Their heads hang low when Iverson walks by and uses their failure as an example for the rest of the group. Keith almost feels bad for them. Or at least for Hunk, who does nothing than to tell his classmates he only wants to be an engineer. It’s only one more year before he won’t have to fly on his own anymore, one more year before the possibility of staying grounded is in reach. One more year for Keith to make his way into the sky.

He walks past Shiro when class is over. They don’t talk. They can’t. He grabs dinner after class and is joined by Lance and Hunk at his table in the cafeteria. He doesn’t notice them at first. His eyes are fixed on the communicator in his hand. The dark purple device lays deactivated in his hand. It’s almost like a phone, but better if he has to believe his mother. ‘Any messages sent over these will be encrypted and can only be read through a similar communicator. Like this, you can send us anything that bothers you without worrying about being intercepted.’ Krolia told him when she tucked it into his bag.

“Is that your phone?” Keith is dragged out of his thoughts by Lance’s face hovering over his shoulder. Within seconds, the communicator is back in the pocket of his pants. He has to stop himself from grabbing the knife on his back and slam his ‘attacker’ into the table.

Keith glares at Lance who takes a step back and sits down on the other side of the table instead. Hunk sits down next to him, placing two plates of mac and cheese down.

“No need to be so protective about it.” Lance shrugs. “That thing looks ancient anyways. Can you even get onto the internet with that?”

“Do I have to?” Keith snaps back.

“Uhm, yes?” Lance frowns. “What on Earth do you do after class if your phone doesn’t even support anything.”

“Study.” Keith shrugs. “I still have stuff to catch up on.”

“You can’t study forever. Even James can’t do that and he’s the biggest nerd I’ve ever seen.” Lance reasons and Keith sighs. Sure he can’t study forever, but he doesn’t need a life on the internet to entertain himself. He never has.

“I don’t know.”

“You must have some hobbies.” Lance sighs as he takes a bite of his macaroni. “And you can’t be worse than Ina who reads math books for fun.”

“I used to drive my hoverbike around the desert and stargaze. But I don’t think I can get a bike out here or find any time to go out and watch the stars.” Not with James watching his every move and stopping him the second he wants to leave their room after curfew.

“Stargazing.” Lance mutters. “Of course you’d be one of those people. And you’re sure you want to be a cargo pilot?”

Keith nods. “I like the stars, but I don’t think I’m supposed to be part of them.”

Hunk nods on the other side. “I feel you, man. I definitely feel you there. Staying on Earth is all I’m going to need. Right here, there’s good food, my family, friends, I don’t think space can get me that.”

“Not for me.” Lance shakes his head. “I’m going straight for fighter class and after that I’m setting out for space.”

“Good luck.” Keith says. He means most of it. Despite Lance’s bad performance during class, the kid has a dream and Keith is not one to have him give up on that. “It might take a lot of work, but I hope you’ll see the stars one day.” Lance will end up in the pilot track anyways, Keith knows, and even cargo pilots can go to space one day.

Keith focuses on his food instead of his classmates. The cheese is stuck to the pasta, a solid layer that doesn’t come off no matter how much force Keith uses. It’s definitely a change compared to the layers of ketchup he knows would usually be in a puddle on the bottom of his plate by now.

His thoughts end when Lance moves again. For a moment he hopes the other boy is leaving early, but instead he calls out to his friend.

“Look.” Lance pokes Hunk in his side and motions his head to something happening behind Keith.

“What?” Keith frowns and turns around. It’s Shiro. He walks through the cafeteria and grabs a plate before he disappears again. Keith thinks there’s a soft smile when their eyes meet for a second, but he can’t be sure.

“I swear he always keeps doing that.” Lance sighs as he lays his face in his hand. “That guy has his own apartment, his own kitchen and a guy that knows how to cook perfectly. And yet he comes down here every time the kitchen serves mac and cheese.”

Hunk nods and looks at his own plate. Keith agrees the food doesn’t look or smell that appetizing, but his mind is too focused on earlier said words that he doesn’t care about dinner anymore.

“What did you just say?” He asks.

“That officer Shirogane enjoys terrible mac and cheese more than his own boyfriend’s cooking?” Lance says.

“He has a boyfriend?”

“Yeah. Professor West from safety management. Oh wait.” Lance scratches his head. “You might not have met him yet. He and Shiro have been flight partners for years, best the Garrison ever had. It’s like me and James would be dating or something.”

“Not really.” Hunk laughs. “You and James can barely fly in the same formation.”

The conversation derails again with that, like it does every time, but Keith doesn’t listen anymore. He doesn’t care about James Griffin until he steps back into his room again that night. He ignores any rules he’d been told at the start of the week. He only wants to sleep.


	5. Purple markers are a safety hazard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those chapters that I didn't plan to write, but still did... I'm not that happy with it, but at least it's done and I can return to what I actually wanted to do for this story (eventually).   
> Tbh this chapter had an angsty title, but I'm saving that for the next one. This fits better here (if you ignore my bad titling skills... I haven't done titled chapters in ages)

The next day, Keith doesn’t want to get out of bed. The conversation of the previous night still replays in his head. Shiro has a boyfriend, who he lives with, and together they’re the best the Garrison has to offer.

Keith isn’t the jealous type, not that he knows of. He’s grown up with nothing and never felt bad about it. His parents and the house were all he needed in life, the addition of the Garrison to that almost give him too much in life. The frustration underneath his skin is new, unknown. He tries to ignore it. He tells himself it’s nothing.

He growls at James when he finds the energy to get up. The boy takes a step back, and Keith needs a second to stop himself in the chaos of his mind. He mutters a soft apology before he heads into their shared bathroom. As he runs his hands underneath the cold water of the sink, and splashes water on his face, he notices the dark spot growing on his skin.

Keith isn’t a jealous person, except for the times where he can’t control it.

**…**

He crashes the simulator during the next class. The stick isn’t lose anymore, it lays in his hand, torn from the console. The ship goes down within seconds, the rest of class yelling at him in confusion and anger.

“Sorry.” He says, his voice dry. “The stick broke.”

He moves the lose stick in his hand before placing it back on the control panel. He listens in on the rest of his group as they groan before resuming their assignment. It’s what they’re supposed to do as soldiers. The mission always comes first. It’s what his mother told him hundreds of times before. In war people get left behind and sacrifices are made for the greater good. In this simulation, Keith is the weak link. He doesn’t expect himself to be much more than that. If anything, it’s a good thing the others can go on without him.

He accepts Iverson’s full scolding when the simulation ends. The stick breaking isn’t his fault, but it might as well have been. He knows deep down that he pulled too hard at it, made reckless maneuvers the simulator wasn’t meant to take. For all he cares, he _is_ the terrible cadet Iverson can’t deal with.

It doesn’t get much better when Shiro tries to stop the commander. He relieves the tension in the air somewhat, before it turns into an atmosphere that makes Keith want to run out of the room. Shiro is too kind, too busy to take the blame away from Keith when he doesn’t have any reason to. Keith digs his fingers in his palms the entire time. When he walks out of class, he sees blood on his hands.

**…**

He watches his nails grow sharper when he’s back in his room again. Their round tips slowly grow upwards, like small triangles. He hasn’t grown claws in years, not since he got lost in the desert for a couple of days. It was the first time the hoverbike gave out on him, leaving him between the cliffs with no way to get back home. Krolia found him two days later, while he was out of his mind with stress. He still has to deal with the stories, how his yellow eyes stared at her from the darkness of a cave, claws digging into a dead lizard. He had never been more grateful to have her than at that moment. During the nights where he couldn’t find his own humanity, couldn’t recognize his own father, he would latch on to the soft purrs coming from his mother.  Whenever his emotions would grow too much to bear, she could drag him back.

He was 12 then, almost 18 now and somehow the stress of dealing with his own emotions is just as bad as almost dying. He feels like he’s dying inside anyways. He doesn’t want to in the Garrison. He misses his mother’s voice, her soothing presence that tells him everything will be okay. But he’s alone. Flying doesn’t sound that appealing when it’s like this, knowing that people leave in the end. But if it’s him who leaves, perhaps it isn’t that bad.

He lets his communicator lay in his hand, knowing that the help he wants is only one message away. He doesn’t send it.

**…**

He skips engineering the following day to step into safety measurements. He tells himself he doesn’t understand it, that he needs to be _in_ class to understand how to get out of a burning aircraft. He tells himself that the syllabus isn’t telling him what to do… word for word, or that his father hasn’t explained it to him before.

He tries not to get distracted by the large amount of fifteen year olds when he steps into the class and sits down in the back. He lets the murmurs die out around him, not interested in whatever the kids say about him. He isn’t there for them, just for the lecture. At least it’s what he tells himself.

When the teacher steps in, he doesn’t know why he decided to get into the classroom in the first place. The syllabus is open on the tablet in front of him, but he doesn’t look at it. Mister West is much more interesting to study. Tall, brown skin, brown hair and glasses… nothing Keith expects to see. Until he starts to speak.

Keith knows enough about young teens to know they never shut up or listen to people . Yet West gets his class quiet within seconds, and not just because he’s talking about explosions. He carries them through the material and Keith is sure he has learned more about saving lives in one hour than he has about stars in the past few years. Which says a lot.

The full two hours of the lecture end too soon for Keith. He doesn’t realize it’s over until the kids around him get up and leave the room. As West’s overhanging presence disappears, a soft chattering arises again.  Keith takes a deep breath as he grabs his bag and heads to the door as well. Before he makes it there, however, West stops him.

“You’re not in this class are you?”

“I am.” Keith says. “Commander Iverson wanted me to take it to make up for things I didn’t learn yet.”

West raises an eyebrow. “I take it you’re the kid that entered the senior cadet ranks.”

“Yeah. That’s me.” Keith shrugs.

“I thought you wouldn’t attend any lectures. Anything bothering you?”

Keith takes a few seconds to think. There’s clearly something bothering him, but ‘jealousy’ isn’t a valid answer. It never will be.

Keith shakes his head. “There were some things, but it already got cleared up. You’re a great teacher, I almost feel bad for having engineering at the same time.”

“You’re always welcome to join us, but I don’t think lieutenant Hedrick would want you to skip more of his classes. Engineering is a lot harder than learning how to make sure you don’t die out there. It’s even the first step, get a good working ship and you might not have to worry about the extra risks.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Unless you’re dealing with physical problems of course. But that will come later in the semester.”  

“Too bad I’ll have to miss out on that.”

“Engineering is just as important, cadet. And a lot harder to learn with only a syllabus.”

“I wish it could have been you instead of Hedrick giving that class. It would make it a lot easier.” Keith smiles a little.

“Then make sure to pass your classes and get into the advanced flying simulations next year. I should get a teaching spot there.”

“For both pilot classes?” Keith asks.

“No, just fighter pilot.” West says as he shakes his head. “I think Ryu got an offer for the cargo class.”

“Too bad.” Keith laughs, only to himself. “I’ll probably be in cargo class next year.”

West places a hand on shoulder. “You have talent, cadet.” He says with a reassuring smile. “If you work as hard as you do now, I’m sure you’ll get into fighter class.”

“Thank you, sir.” Keith grabs his bag and walks out. He leaves the classroom with a clearer mind, the clearest he’s had in days. He knows why Shiro is with mister West, because mister West is perfect. Perfect in every way Keith isn’t.

He stops as soon as he sets one foot outside the class and almost crashes into someone.  It doesn’t take long to recognize Shiro in front of him.

“Hey Keith.” Shiro greets. There’s a pause, followed by a soft. “Adam.”

“Takashi.” Adam replies as he stands next to Keith. “I thought you were in a meeting.”

“I just came back. Commander Holt wanted me to give you these.” He hands over a stack of paper. Adam takes them with caution before browsing through them. His expression darkens with every page he turns.

“If you think this will change my mind, it won’t.”

“I know.” Shiro sighs, his eyes fall to the floor. When they turn back to Adam, Keith can see a spark of determination in them. “I just wanted you to have an update on the mission. That’s all.”

“Thanks.” Adam says as he puts the papers in his bag. “I need to discuss some things with Montgomery. I’ll see you later. Good luck with your studies, cadet.”

Keith nods as he watches Adam leave.

“I should go as well. I promised James to study together.”

“Ah okay.” Shiro says softly. “I’ll see you later then.”

Keith makes sure to be long gone before Shiro can say anything more.

**…**

The meeting with Adam should have put Keith’s head to rest, but it doesn’t. When he returns to the dorm his skin burns with more frustration than before.

“You okay?” James asks from his bed, where he lays reading. “Did you bruise your hand?”

Keith looks down and sees purple crawling down his fingertips. “It’s fine.” He says, clutching his hands. “My marker started leaking earlier, I’ll wash it off later.”

“Just don’t get the room dirty.” James says like it’s the only thing that matters.

“I won’t.” Keith assures him. Everything in the room tells him to get out, to  remove the tension that keeps crawling up his skin and comes up in a purple mess.

“I’m going to train a bit.” He says.

“What about dinner?” James asks as he sits up.

“Not hungry.” Keith shrugs as he stuffs a pair of sweatpants and a tank top in his bag. “I’ll be back before curfew.”

He doesn’t listen to James’ protests or his question to save food for him. He swings his bag over his shoulder and heads down to the gym.

The place is abandoned when he steps in. Most people would pick food over training after all.

There’s a single punching bag in the room. Keith lets his hands run over the smooth surface before placing the first fist against it.  

He punches it like the bag is mister West, the perfect human being. He scratches it like it’s himself, the kid who grew up far away from society, not seeing a problem with it until he became his own problem in life. The bag should have stayed in the desert, should have become a firefighter in a few years like its dad.

By the time Keith leaves the gym, the punching bag is torn to shreds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canon Keith: turns Galra when he's truly stressed, like when Shiro almost kills him  
> My Keith: turns Galra over "unrequited" love
> 
> I also decided to split this part since I wanted to throw in some Shiro POV again soon and this is perfect for it. So Shiro's POV will be back next time! And hopefully I know what I'm doing again by then :')


	6. What Are You? What Are We?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea of trying to get a schedule for this fic, but then remember I have midterms in 3 weeks, 4 essays this semester and a zine and bigbang... so there defenitely isn't going to be any schedule and writing in advance :') Which means I can share this messy 3k now instead, while I have a soft headache preventing me from thoroughly checking for mistakes :')
> 
> Anyways! Here's some Shiro POV again!

Takashi Shirogane claims to have a life. At least whenever there aren’t any classes to teach or attend. The second Iverson assigns him the first group of the year, he can see the long days and sleepless nights starting again. He doesn’t complain. After all, being part of the Garrison is what he decided to dedicate his short life to. At one time it had been happy and together with what he thought had been the love of his life. That was before the rumors about Kerberos came up, before he decided to spend the entire summer in the desert.  

He doesn’t regret either of those decisions. Kerberos was and still is a dream he doesn’t want to give up. Marriage ends up being an unreachable dream  he still won’t achieve, just like he always expected. Adam leaves before  Kerberos becomes official and Keith walks in instead.

Ever since the mission got announced, Kerberos has been one of the main things on Shiro’s mind. It’s a fight against the Garrison and his own body, but once he’s set his eyes on the goal, he won’t give up. It’s a stubbornness that once made Adam fall for him and that now pulls the two of them further apart with each passing day. The engagement is over anyways and Adam won’t wait for him.

He doesn’t have an official spot on the team yet. It takes more than one commander and a positive medical test to make admiral Sanda change her mind. Kerberos is a mission filled with favoritism to begin with: one commander, his son and the pilot with health issues. The mission that is almost meant to go wrong, but will be the greatest on return. Until Shiro’s body decides to officially shut down after landing and his life ends surrounded by no one.

Something tells him he shouldn’t be happy with every piece of information Sam Holt gives him on the mission, like he’s already part of the crew. This time, it’s the flight schedule, the trajectory and estimated times the mission will take. The ship will leave in a number of month and stay up for a year. Enough time left to train and find the needed strength to keep going another year.

He isn’t sure what tells him to bring the information to Adam, instead of letting it go out in the next week for everyone to see. It isn’t Sam Holt’s assurance that the man might be interested in it. It’s only the hopes he’s created for himself. Every step he takes to the classroom is filled with a fake confidence.

Keith is the first person he sees stepping out of the room.

“Keith.” Shiro greets before he sees the person behind him. “Adam.”

“Takashi.” Adam greets back. He still that familiar Takashi, but the soft tones that used to go with it are gone.  “I thought you were in a meeting.”

“I just came back. Commander Holt wanted me to give you these.” Shiro says as he hands over the mission details. No one is supposed to see them, but Adam has gained a soft spot in the commander’s heart.

“If you think this will change my mind, it won’t.” Adam states briefly. The darkness in his eyes tell him it’s the truth, that whatever there was won’t come back.

“I know.” Shiro sighs. He’s the one who ended it after all, for the better. Perhaps there’s a part of him that wants Adam to take him back, but the majority doesn’t want to put the both of them on the way to an even bigger hurt. “I just wanted you to have an update on the mission. That’s all.”

“Thanks.” Adam says as he puts the papers away. They’ll probably be destroyed before the sun sets, Shiro guesses, but that’s fine. “I need to discuss some things with Montgomery. I’ll see you later. Good luck with your studies, cadet.” And with that Adam goes, leaving no room for any further conversation.

“I should go as well.” Keith says, but doesn’t look Shiro in the eye. “I promised James to study together.”

“Okay.” Shiro’s voice doesn’t become more than a loud whisper. “I’ll see you later then.” The last words don’t reach Keith. He’s already gone.

**…**

There is a desire to talk to Keith that haunts him the rest of the day, but the boy has no more classes and doesn’t spend his time in the library to study. He sees Keith’s roommate during dinner. Keith doesn’t show up during the entirety the bland soup is served.

When Griffin leaves the room, Shiro is sure to intercept him, purely to satisfy his curiosity. He knows the kid. He was in one of the many middle schools he used to visit to find new recruits. The teacher had been right that day, he made a perfect cadet.

“Griffin.” Shiro calls. “Have you seen Kogane anywhere?”

“No sir.” Griffin shakes his head. “He said he’d skip dinner, went training instead.”

“I see.” Shiro nods. “Thank you.”

“No problem, sir. I don’t think he’ll be training very long though. His hands were looking bruised earlier. He shouldn’t spend too much time out.”

“Knowing Kogane, bruised hands won’t stop him. But he’ll be back before curfew if that’s bothering you.”

“He better be.” Griffin huffs. “I haven’t seen him all day.”

“He told me you would study together.” Shiro says surprised.

“Us?” Griffin raises his eyebrow. “The closest we get, is staying in the same room, but we never study together.”

“I see.” Shiro nods. “Head back to your room, cadet. Tomorrow is another early day.”

Griffin greets him and leaves. Deep inside, Shiro hopes the boy finds Keith somewhere and brings him back.

**…**

He wakes up with sore muscles and the need to work out before classes start. At 6:30 the gym should be abandoned, but Iverson has already beat him there.

“I thought drills aren’t until at least another hour.” Shiro sighs as he approaches Iverson. The man looks at him with a frown. Even though Shiro knows the commander with nothing but a frown, this one is different.

“Tell me.” Iverson says as he turn his attention back to the room. “Who let an animal into this base?”

Shiro looks behind the commander. The floor is covered in textile. Where usually a punching bag would hang from the ceiling, there is only a metal ring with a couple of shreds attached to it. He doesn’t have to stand close to it to see the claw marks running across whatever is left of the bag.

Saying it’s an animal is one way of getting out of it, but they both know no animal gets into the base. _‘It’s Keith’_ Shiro’s deepest thoughts tells him and the rest of him can do nothing but agree. He’s been in the gym before and whatever abilities his alien genes might have given him, destroying is most likely one of them.

“I-I’m not sure.” Shiro shakes his head as he watches the chaos. “It was an old bag to begin with, maybe someone thought it was no longer in use.”

Iverson groans. “It’s too early to deal with this now. We should clean up this mess first.”

Shiro nods in agreement. He doesn’t get to work out that morning, keeping his muscles stiff through the first hours of the day.

**…**

The small diversity is what make life bearable . Besides being a pilot and fight instructor, he’s still a student, even if it’s only in name. He’s passed pretty much all his classes, only postponing his graduation for reasons he has accepted so deeply that he’s already forgotten most of them. He’s prepared to go out on official jobs, it is what he’s worked towards, what he’s sacrificed it all for. But perhaps it’s the false sense of safety that keeps him from moving forward.

He doesn’t need the book on Relativistic Electrodynamics that he’s holding when he knocks on Matt’s door. He already knows their study is going to end up in five boxes of pizza and a stack cheap beer that commander Holt smuggled inside for them.

Matt’s room is still the same mess as it has been every other time Shiro stops by. The floor is filled with projects that have been abandoned at least two semesters ago, but never got thrown away. The only place that has some space left is the small table in the center of the room. Whatever was on it before has been thrown on the ground, fusing with the mountain of lose wires. The only thing left are a couple of books and an old radio.

“I can’t believe that out of all things, you kept that radio.” Shiro laughs as he sits down.

“You might say it’s broken, but I promise you, before we’re out in space, I’ve already made contact with aliens.” Matt comments as he pats the radio. There’s a soft crack of static at the touch that makes Matt pull his hand back immediately.

“Of course.” Shiro nods. “And what about next week’s exam? Did you make contact with that as well?”

“All this relativity only makes me want to leave the planet faster.” Matt groans. “If it weren’t for the pizza, I wouldn’t even be doing this.”

“Remind me to thank your father for this then.” Shiro says as he grabs the first pizza of the night from the floor.

“Unlimited pizza and drinks. The military almost doesn’t sound that bad like this.”

“Take the good things favoritism has to offer.” Shiro agrees before he opens up his book. There won’t be much studying tonight, but every sentence he can get imprinted in his mind is another victory.

**…**

They keep it up for an hour, which is a new record in their time as senior cadets. The relativity doesn’t stay in Shiro’s head, it never had the intention to. It’s late enough to stop studying and get to the ‘serious business’. Which means Matt gets to talk all night.

“So,” Matt says as he shoves his book aside. It’s the last thing that gives some idea of a productive night. The beer ended up on the table fifteen minutes ago, which would probably make their new record invalid. “let’s say aliens would come to Earth. What do you think the one food would be that gets them addicted. I say it’s chocolate. Or popcorn.”

“It’s definitely ketchup.” Shiro nods to himself. “The first alien to get here gains a terrible ketchup addiction on top of whatever bad they manage to make.”

“Shiro, I love you man, but ketchup addiction is nothing to joke about.” Matt groans. “We only just got Katie out of her ketchup phase.”

“But you agree that ketchup is addicting.”

“I don’t listen to someone that takes mac and cheese over a homemade meal.”

“Well, yeah.” Shiro looks down at the table. “Except there aren’t any of those anymore.”

“Right, I’m sorry.” Matt mutters.

“Don’t be.” Shiro says. “It was going to happen sooner or later.”

“I’d rather give you guys the short ‘forever’ than deal with your heartbreak one more second.” Matt sighs. “But seriously, how are things besides all that?”

“Apart from horrible?” Shiro frowns as he takes another drink. “No one wants me on the Kerberos mission, Adam barely looks at me and Keith has been ignoring me this entire week.”

“To correct you, it’s no one except me and dad. And seeing that I already have the worst side of nepotism going on, I don’t think you need to worry so much. But Keith not talking to you? That’s new.” Matt frowns. He leans over the table, too close for Shiro’s liking. “You were gone all summer to hang out with this guy and now that he’s always nearby, he stops talking to you? That isn’t right, man.”

“I think the Garrison is stressing him out. I’ve tried talking to him after class, but he always leaves early.”

“Have you tried meeting with him?” Matt asks.

Shiro blinks, immediately getting a groan from Matt in response. “I can’t believe you, Shiro. Give me your phone.” 

He doesn’t know what tells him it’s good idea to give Matt his phone, but it’s probably the alcohol dulling every part of his body. Matt works with the phone like it’s his own, fingers flying over the screen. When he’s done working his magic, Matt hands the phone back. The screen is unlocked and shows Shiro’s latest messages. The top one is new, and definitely not his own.

_‘Hey, do you want to hang out tomorrow? Meet by the hangars at 3?’_

Shiro feels himself die right there. Never mind the disease eating at him, it’s his best friend who will kill him. He takes another slice of pizza and plays with Matt’s radio so he can ignore his phone. He shouldn’t have given it to Matt. Keith doesn’t want to meet him and Shiro will be more alone than ever.

He wishes the static of the broken radio would make it impossible to hear the ‘ping’ when a new message comes in. Keith shouldn’t be awake this late, but Shiro isn’t surprised that Keith doesn’t sleep. He might as well be nocturnal.

It’s only when Matt pushes his phone back under his nose that he’s forced to read the reply.

_‘Yeah sure’_

He downs two more cans of beer in the hope to never see Matt’s face of triumph that night. He’ll deal with the consequences later.

**…**

To Shiro’s surprise, Keith shows up the next day. He’s leaning against a wall. Shiro missed seeing him in his casual clothes, the red-white jacket looks good on him, better than the orange cadet uniform. Orange definitely isn’t his color, just like grey isn’t Shiro’s.

“Hey.” Shiro greets. “I’m glad you could come.”

“I finished homework early, so I guess I have the day off. James wasn’t that happy when I left though. Something about needing permission to go here.” Keith shrugs.

“You’re here with me. I’m all the permission you’re going to need.”

“Why did you ask me to come here anyways, Shiro?” Keith asks. “You never text me.”

“I wanted to know how you were doing.” It’s a half lie. He has truly been interested, but too held back to reach out. He can’t admit the text came from Matt, never that. “I take it you were in the gym Thursday evening?”

Keith doesn’t need to answer and Shiro doesn’t need to give any details. They can both fill in the details. “You know, it wasn’t easy to convince Iverson the claw marks and destroyed punching bag were nothing serious.”

“Sorry.” Keith mutters. “It’s something I can’t always control.” He looks at his hands. Shiro can see bits of soft purple on them, the bruises James had already told him about. “It’s nothing serious, just a bit difficult.”

“I take it you were upset?”  Shiro asks. Keith doesn’t answer again. He isn’t going to, too focused on his hands, like he tries to keep himself in touch with his reality. “Look,” Shiro continues, “you don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you. Just know that you can come to me for anything. I’m here for you, Keith.”

 “Are you?” Keith looks up at Shiro, at those eyes that desperately want to help. And Keith shuts himself off.

“Of course I am.”

“Why am I here, Shiro? Is it really just so I could get out of the desert?”

Shiro frowns at those words. “What do you mean?”

“I was fine out there, Shiro. At least I knew what I was doing when it was just me and my parents. But here… what am I? Just some ‘miracle child’ who happens to be found by you? It’s literally your _job_ to find new people. Plus, you already have different plans going on.”

“Do you mean Kerberos?” Shiro frowns.

Keith shakes his head. “You already told me about Kerberos when we met. I know you want that. I mean the rest of it. Your relationships and everything.”

“You mean Adam? Oh god, Keith.” Shiro groans. “Adam and I broke up right before I met you. We aren’t a thing anymore.”

Keith looks up, a spark of surprise in his eyes. The bruises on his hand fade with every word he speaks. “Really? But Lance said.” Keith shakes his head. “I shouldn’t have  believed him anyways.”

“Was that really the thing that bothered you?”

“No.” Keith is quick to assure him. Too quick. “I mean… I don’t mind it, but it came as a surprise. I thought that if you were in a relationship, you wouldn’t have time for me anymore. I don’t know what I’m doing here. Not like this.”

“You’re here to be the greatest pilot ever. You’ll fly further than I ever will and you’ll write history and break records when I can’t do so anymore.”

Keith laughs. “I’m not allowed up in space, remember?”

“For now.” Shiro says. “I don’t want to go against your mom, but I’m sure you’ll go further than anyone has gone before.”

“I only just got my good mood back, don’t ruin it by being all cheesy now.” Keith laughs softly.

“Don’t worry.” Shiro smiles and rummages in his pocket. There’s two sets of keys. He throws one of them at Keith. “I didn’t ask you to come here just so we could sulk about our thoughts. How about we take those bikes for a short drive and you show me a good spot in the desert to watch the stars?”

The grin that forms on Keith’s face is a sight Shiro never wants to forget. The boy catches the keys at ease. He runs to the bikes quickly, leaving Shiro to follow behind.

**…**

They race for hours. They pass cliffs and dried up streams. In the evening heat, Keith cuts him off twice and Shiro loses him once when he decides to show off a jump. Keith stays up high on the cliff and races down via a path Shiro knows is almost as dangerous as the jump.

Shiro was right by giving Keith the task to find a spot to watch the stars. They park their bikes on the top of a canyon. In the distance, Shiro can see the light of a single house.

“These are my mom’s favorite cliffs.” Keith says as he sits down on the edge and lets his legs dangle in the air. “Whenever she’s bothered by something and needs to clear her head, she goes here for a while. I guess I understand why now. The energy here is calming.”

Shiro follows Keith’s gaze upwards. The stars shine brighter than he’s ever seen before. He notices the planets: Venus, Mars, Jupiter… And somewhere out there are Pluto and Kerberos as well.

“She really knows the best spots.” Shiro agrees before letting out a deep sigh.

“Look, Shiro,” Keith says, “about what happened at the Garrison, what I said, I didn’t mean it. There’s just been a lot going on. I felt like I was losing touch of my human side, but now that I have that back, I can only apologize.”

“You had all right to be upset with me. I haven’t been thinking straight either.”

“Something between you and mister West?” Keith asks. “You two didn’t seem on very good terms when you showed up after class.”

“It’s complicated.” Shiro sighs.

“Shiro,” Keith says, “my mom is part of a violent alien race and has been sitting on this planet for almost twenty years while being head over heels for my dad. I don’t think a relationship can get much more complicated than that.”

Shiro shakes his head. “It’s not just about Adam. It’s about the entire Kerberos.”

“It’s just a rock, Shiro.”

“I know.” Shiro smiles back at him. “I don’t have to go to find alien life anymore, but I want to know that if it will be my final mission, I’m going further than any human has gone before.”

“Your last?” Keith raises an eyebrow, but then shakes his head. “You’ll tell me when you’re ready, won’t you? Since it’s ‘complicated’.”

“I need to figure out if I’ll go first. The Garrison doesn’t want it, Adam was clear about it. I feel like the only people that want me on that ship are the Holts.”

“And what do _you_ want?” Keith asks, his voice growing soft.

“I want to go and see what’s out there.”

“Then go.” Keith smiles. “I’ll still be here when you come back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I'm reminded that the American drinking age is 21 and I laugh. But I just want Matt and Shiro to have a fun time as actual students and not care about their problems for once. Plus, they would be old enough to drink anyways.  
> And with that, it's time to return to the crack parts of this fic, as it should be!


	7. A Coyote a Day Keeps the Friends Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy midterm season? Midterms are in a week for me, though it's one small exam and 3 essay assignments... but I guess this chapters fits in the season :') Again a chapter I'm not 100% happy with, but I honestly just want to yeet Shiro to Kerberos and get the actual fun parts of this fic.

With the chaos in his mind resolved, life at the Garrison is less of a problem than originally expected. His performance improves and with that so does the appreciation of his teachers. His sim scores rise drastically, steadily followed by James’. Those who aren’t familiar with him bring back the whispers of ‘fighter class’, whispers he decides to simply ignore. The simulations are fun as long as it isn’t about group formations. They all still fail those, even though the improvement is there.

Shiro takes him out to the desert whenever possible. Which isn’t often. Neither of them have time to get out. When October comes around, Keith understands why he met Shiro in the desert the first time. The Garrison is chaos when midterms are looming over. His room is flooded in books and notes, neatly stacked around the place. Keith’s personal stack is in the back, untouched ever since James made it. He doesn’t know where James finds all the extra paper to cover the room in. He doesn’t even want to know.

He misses the calm sense of the desert cliffs, but without Shiro he has no way of getting there. So he’s stuck in his room, watching James redo the same trajectory calculations over and over again. Until the boy grunts and steps out to take a walk, only to come back five minutes later to begin all over. During the one week of watching James grow grey hairs and listening to Lance’s cries over dinner, Keith has opened one syllabus. Safety measurements is the one class he doesn’t know by heart yet, despite it being called the easiest class. He doesn’t fear the simulation, engineering, communications… Well maybe he does fear communications. It isn’t his strongest point. He doesn’t mind talking to people, sometimes he likes the small conversations. But he isn’t the person to make contact with the base every few minutes, checking in on their position and his own. Keith is a pilot, cargo or fighter class, he isn’t the one to stay in contact.  Perhaps it’s one of the things he has against cargo class. The flights are easier, giving more time to multitask, which means more communication will fall on him. Any practice simulations shows that he struggles. One time he forgets to announce his landing coordinates. Another time he doesn’t communicate at all, too caught up in the scene before him.

His flying is excellent, there is no doubt about that. Perhaps it’s reckless, but it’s built on pure skill. Shiro compliments him on it each time, something he loves but hates when his classmates give him angry look. His grades are what count, and he makes sure not to disappoint those looking out for him.

The looming of midterms doesn’t mean he avoids Shiro. If anything, he makes sure to use the once promised ‘tell me if you need help’ to full extend. They use Shiro’s small apartment as their study spot, avoiding the growing stress hanging in the Garrison hallways. For once, the mess of books stays at the table. Notebooks with lose papers containing extra calculations are stacked on top of each other, waiting for another correction to be added.

“Do you have any plans next weekend?” Keith asks as he looks over his notes. It’s the last week of studying midterms, a few more days of exams and they’ll be back at their usual freedom. Still restricted, but without the exams for another few months.

Shiro nods with a soft smile. “Big exam coming up on Friday. A good score could ensure my ticket to Kerberos. Booked every spot in the simulator that was left. I’m heading to the Holts straight after the exam.”

“Another family dinner?” Keith frowns. There are too many days where Shiro leaves Garrison ground to stay over at the Holts. They’re a second family to him.

“Knowing commander Holt, he’s probably going to use to celebrate our Kerberos team. He’s too convinced I’ll make it.” Shiro hums.

“You’re the only one doubting it, Shiro. No one but you can bring that ship to Kerberos.”

“Let’s keep that optimism away until it’s been confirmed.” Shiro laughs. “Sanda is still a big obstacle.”

“Sanda isn’t flying though.” Keith shrugs before pointing at the star maps in his book. “And these only want to be explored by you.”

“Why did you ask though? Did you want to hang out?” Shiro looks up.

“We haven’t raced for a while. But I get that you have more important things to do.” Keith sighs as he highlights another section.

“We could try after the midterms. Take the most out of the time before Kerberos gets announced.” Shiro smiles, making Keith bury his face even deeper in his book. “But if you want to go out on your own this weekend, I could reserve a bike for you.”

“It’s fine.” Keith assures him. “I’ll probably spent most of the weekend training. I miss working out.”

“We got a new punching bag a few days ago. Don’t break it.” Shiro grins as he leans over the table.

“Ha ha.” Keith groans. “It was an accident. I can control myself.”

“Good, because I won’t always be here to protect you.”

“You’re only going on missions. You’re not disappearing out there.”

Shiro’s expression falls with that. A small frown starts to grow and Keith interrupts whatever thoughts are going on before that frown becomes too much.

He points at his book. “So, let’s calculate the gravity on Europa?”

**…**

Two days later, he sits with a plate of cold peas and a barely readable article about black holes. He pokes mindlessly at the food as he repeats the same sentences in his mind, over and over again.

The sound of  something hitting the table in front of him is what drags him out of the routine. Lance stands before him, along with Hunk at his side.

“Thanks for the notes.” Lance groans. “They were useless.”

“Notes?” Keith asks as he looks at the notebook placed in front of him. He recognizes it as his own. It’s the simple black cover that reminds him of the emptiness of space, the reason he uses it for astronomy. Each page is filled with constellations and calculations.

“I may or may not have borrowed your notes after class last week.” Lance says as he sits down, Hunk following.

“Why?” Keith feels his voice grow into a low rumble.

“Because everyone knows you get the highest grades?” Lance shrugs. “James won’t give me his notes to copy, so you would be the next to go to. If only you could write normally.” Lance sighs. “I know you like Shiro, but do you really need to write in Japanese?”

“I don’t-“ He stops himself from saying more, because Lance browsed through his astronomy notes, notes written in the language meant for the stars, like his mom had taught them to him as a child. “You shouldn’t have stolen them.”

“Relax, Keith. I didn’t read it,  can’t anyways. Your drawings are nice I guess, but they don’t help much. There isn’t even a single calculation in here.”

There are. The entire notebook is filled with them, but the numbers are Galran, like every other word he’s written down.

“I swear I’m going to kill you, Lance.” Keith growls as he takes the notebook, keeping himself from throwing it in his bag. Instead he lets it slide in and promises himself not to look at it until the next day. He needs to let himself calm down first. Like this, he’s going to give James a heart attack when he comes back into their room with more than just purple fingers.

“Too late. The food is faster than you.” Lance says.

“It makes me miss home. It’s taco night next week.” Hunk sighs as he pokes at the solid mass in front of him.

“Ugh, do you think Veronica will count Garrison food as a ‘personal emergency’ so I can get your food again?” Lance groans.

Hunk shrugs. “You tried that the last five times you wanted to come to my place. But we could try sneak in some food and have a nice little food party.”

“Please.” Lance says with a firm nod. “I don’t care if Iverson wants our bodies to get used to the terrible amount of chemicals in this food, I need something with actual flavor.”

“How about you, Keith?” Hunk asks. “What is your favorite food?”

“Ketchup coyote.” Keith answers and watches he faces in front of him turn into a combination of surprise and disgust.

“Ketchup?” Lance asks, followed by Hunk’s shocked exclamation of ‘coyote’.

“Family specialty.” Keith shrugs. “Shiro hated it though.”

“If even Shiro hates it, I don’t know if I want to try it.” Lance mutters.

“Keith, buddy.” Hunk leans over the table, his eyes going puppy mode. “Please join us during food night. Get some actual good food in you”

“I didn’t grow up eating only coyote, you know.” Keith says. “Only whenever dad had to work late.”

“And how often was that?” Hunk asks.

Keith thinks back. There are too many times where simple day shifts ended up in their front door only opening slightly before midnight. Those were the hot summer where nothing could stand a chance against the spreading draught. And then there were the long winters with unattended fireplaces. His father would work whenever he was needed, which turned out to be ‘always’.

“Just join us. Take some of that coyote with you if you want. We’ll just have a fun night on Wednesday to celebrate the end of our midterms.”

He doesn’t have anything planned that night. Shiro has already made clear that he’s too busy and the last exams Keith has are a number of small essays, most of which he is close to finishing. There is no excuse to say no. So he nods in an answer.

“I’ll ask mom if she has some leftovers.” He says.

“You don’t have to do all the effort.” Lance tries to assure him, but Keith shakes his head.

“I think trying my family dish is the one thing you can do for stealing my notes.” He smiles. Lance doesn’t say a single thing after.

**…**

It takes a single message to throw Krolia in half a panic. He can’t send a ‘hey mom’ without six messages following up in the next minute. Concerns and questions fill his communicator. Is everything okay? Does he want to leave the Garrison? What does he need?

He quickly reassures her he’s fine and doesn’t want to leave at all. Perhaps the ‘at all’ is exaggerating, but he doesn’t want to go. He does need something, despite how stupid it feels.

_‘Some classmates want to try your coyote, do you have any?_ ’ He types, getting a response almost immediately.

_‘Of course. Do you want me to bring them?’_

_‘If you want to. I can wait outside the gates’_

It’s like that that he finds himself in the current situation, standing outside the Garrison, waiting for the familiar sound of the old bike. It is hard to miss on the lonely road to the base. The bike stops before the gates, its driver looking up at the security before looking at Keith.

Her eyes soften as she takes him in.

“Orange isn’t your color.” She says.

Keith laughs as he gets closer. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It is.” Krolia nods as she grabs a bag. “Here.” She hands it to him. It’s filled with boxes of black and red. There is a forced smile on her face, the new darkness in her eyes only hidden slightly by her helmet. “Your father has been busy lately. Training is coming up again, so I made sure to get enough food for the week.”

“Thanks.” Keith says as he takes the bag. “Is something wrong?”

Krolia sighs and looks up to the skies, to space. “It’s fine. Things are moving, but they always are. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Keith can’t help but to look up with her. The sky is clear blue, the last moments of summer, ebbing away to make room for autumn. “We’ll be fine. There’s nothing they would want here.” He mutters.

Krolia looks back at him, the pain in her eyes intensifying. “I should go. Your father will be worried if I’m not there when he gets home.”

“I know.” It’s the simplest excuse they have between each other. Krolia doesn’t want to be at the Garrison any longer and Keith won’t force her to stay. Her silence tells more than her words.

“Message me if anything ever happens. You know I’ll be here the second you need me.” She tells him.

“I know.” Keith says again. This time it’s enough for Krolia to let her hands rest on the hoverbike again. The engine roars without its usual sputtering, dust is thrown up when the bike starts to move. Krolia disappears in a cloud, leaving her troubled figure out of sight.

It’s the footsteps behind him that make Keith turn away from the desert.

“You’re far out.” It’s Shiro, of course it’s Shiro, taking a walk to clear his mind from the exam. “Who was that?” He asks when he gets next to Keith and notices the dust.

“It was my mom.” Keith mutters. He holds up the bag. “She brought dinner.”

“Is everything alright?” Shiro asks, a low concern in his voice. He has all right to. Coming the Garrison to purely bring coyote is stupid, even from a caring mother. Especially from Krolia.

“Yeah, but she seemed scared.” Keith sighs.

“You mother fights coyotes for dinner, what on earth could she be afraid off?”

“Nothing on Earth.” Keith says, looking at him with a look so serious, Shiro has to take one step back to ground himself. “And something you wish never comes here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I wanted to end at this part or add more, but I like the tension in this ending so I decided not to go any further. I just love my good friend foreshadowing


	8. Burning Me Down From Inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself to take a hiatus on this fic but apparently the only way for me to relax after studying is by writing pure nonsense and call it a chapter...  
> I accept all the mistakes in this tbh, it's a mess (edit: like how I forgot to name this chapter???? oops?????????)

The week passes in a blur for Shiro. Every second, he can be found in the simulator and if he isn’t there, he’s locked away in his apartment, making sure that every preparatory calculation is done and correct. He tries to get enough sleep and exercise to keep his muscles lose. He needs to be in perfect shape for the exam. If there is going to be a mistake in his exam, he wants it to be one he can blame himself for and not his own physical ailments.

He doesn’t remember the flight when he steps out of the simulator. He can’t remember if he landed following every step in the protocol, but judging by Sam’s face, he did. There’s a pat on his shoulder as they start the debriefing. He knows details are left out at certain spots, because he can’t know if he’s passed yet, or that he was good enough to make the final cut for the Kerberos. It’ll take at least a few days to get the official score and another week for updates on the mission.

He stays with the Holts that evening, making sure nothing of Colleen’s homemade soup is left. Matt feeds Bae Bae most of his bread under the table, the dog’s wagging tail hitting Shiro’s leg so hard he’s almost certain he’ll find a bruise at the end of the weekend.

On the other side of the table, Katie is trying her best to keep her questions to herself. Her bright eyes can’t leave Shiro alone, filled with the hope for answers not even her father has. Shiro is convinced he won’t be able to help. Luckily it only takes one question about the possibility of alien life on Kerberos to give her all she wants. There is no discussion, they all agree that there’s life out there. Maybe not on Kerberos, but somewhere, and the mission is just the start for something great.

He doesn’t mean to, but half of the conversation Shiro stares at his plate without saying a word. The positivity at the table is crushing him, and he desperately wants to believe it has all right to be there. Matt’s enthusiasm about being the first human to meet aliens, Sam’s curiosity to the edge of the solar system, and all Shiro wants is to be a part of that dream. To fly further than anyone has done before his body officially shuts down on him. So he smiles through the night and hopes the rest of the weekend won’t fall back to Kerberos again.

He heads to bed early with the excuse that the exam has tired him out. No one questions it. He doesn’t check the electro pulses on his wrists when he heads to bed. His mind is gone further than the stars can reach, and he wants to sleep it off.

**…**

He stays the full weekend, watching Matt build another failing radio while Katie breaks her head over math a girl her age shouldn’t be worrying about. It’s a calming sense of a home he hasn’t head in a long time. It’s one of the many things he can never thank them enough for. There was never a question if he belonged with the already strong family or not. The second he stepped into the Garrison, he had gotten close to Matt and with that came the connections to the commander.

It is with that that he can enjoy the full two days without giving in to the worry in the back of his mind. He scratches Bae Bae behind the ear as he watches a number of old movies with Katie. It’s barely understandable with Matt’s screaming in the back, but it makes him feel at home, wanted.

He doesn’t want to leave that Sunday, but commander Holt is the only ride he’s going to find back inside the base. The trip back is quiet with only Matt humming along with the soft sounds of the radio. If this is how Kerberos is supposed to go, then Shiro doesn’t need to worry. The calmness in the car gives him a moment to breathe again for the first time that weekend. A moment that gets killed the second they set foot in the base.

It’s late in the evening when they arrive and they split up almost immediately. Even commander Holt, who usually wouldn’t skip a single moment to spend with his wife, stays the night at the base.

Shiro doesn’t bother to check his messages when he gets to his apartment. He falls on the bed and is out before his head even hits the pillow.

**…**

He’s broken the record… again. Commander Holt’s smile is bigger than the entire room when he brings the news that morning. The old record fades with Shiro’s performance, the landing being more than perfect.

Kerberos is a fact unless Sanda is truly the worst person in the galaxy. And that is probably the hardest thing to take in. He doesn’t want to be optimistic, but Sam’s enthusiasm is contagious. Shiro’s head is playing around with the news as he walks through the hallways. He takes a few too many corners, just to let his thoughts take time without being interrupted.

 “You know when there’s a fire drill you’re supposed to leave the building, right?”

Shiro looks up in a daze at the sudden voice. He had missed the signs on the final door. Fire practice in the left wing, the first message on his phone he had dismissed that morning. After all, he never has anything to do in the left wing, where it’s mostly a playground for curious scientists.

“Sorry.” Shiro mumbles.

“No problem.” The man laughs, and suddenly the voice sounds all too similar. “I just don’t think my son would like it if I’d let his favorite person die in a fire.”

He looks up into the eyes of Tex, in full uniform, carrying his helmet underneath his arm.

“I was just lost in thought and ended up here. I guess I should uh-” Shiro looks behind him into the hallway. “Leave you to your practice..”

“Much on your head?” Tex asks with a frown. “You’re almost as bad as Krolia.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Morning practice just ended, are you free to grab some coffee? We haven’t talked for a while.”

Shiro nods. It’s almost noon, and he has all time to take a quick break. “Sounds good.”

**…**

They settle in a corner of the cafeteria, where slowly more and more firefighters find a spot as well.

“So, what’s bothering you so much?” Tex asks. “It doesn’t seem like a thing for the great Shirogane to just wander around aimlessy.”

“Mission details mostly.” Shiro sighs as he aimlessly stirs his coffee.

“Kerberos? I remember Keith talking about that mission a few times.”

Shiro nods. “Nothing is officially confirmed yet, but it will be the biggest mission we’ve had so far.”

“And you’re famous for being the best there is.” Tex hums. “Almost everyone at the station knows your name. Even the ones that don’t care about space.”

Shiro laughs in his coffee. “You really sound like Keith, you know. He always tells me the same thing.”

“I think it’s what you need to hear.” Tex says he looks over the cafeteria. “You won’t be much good if you don’t believe in your own abilities. Your team believes in you, but you can’t work together if you can’t see it yourself.”

Shiro tries to hide his laughter. “Since when are you so great with advice?”

“Fighting fire also means putting your life on the line. You need to know your team can trust you do your job.” He waves slightly at his teammates as they walk past. “They make sure you can at least come back to your family at night.”

“But you are a hero saving actual lives. We’ll only be flying to the edge of the solar system to find answers to a question you already answered yourself.”

“But it will help humanity move forward. And you are the hero that is responsible for your crew’s return.”

“No one else will.” Shiro mutters. Because in the end, no one but him can get them to their destination and back.

Tex nods. “This is your moment, take it.”

“Even if it means I’m not coming back?” Shiro asks, more to the coffee than the other man.

“What convinces you you won’t return?” Tex frowns.

“I think the trip to Mars was a strong warning.” Shiro sighs. “A full week in the hospital because my body decided the different gravity wasn’t its friend. Kerberos is a lot longer, they expect me to leave the Garrison the second we land.”

“Will it stop you? Knowing that you might not have anything if you go?”

Shiro shakes his head softly softly. “Mars showed me I should take whatever I have. And so did Keith.”

“He’s good at doing that.” Tex hums, taking another sip. “Let me tell you something,” He says as he puts the cup down and crosses his arms on the table. “A couple of years back, probably ten or so, there was a terrible fire going on in Plaht city. It was supposed to kill me that day, but somehow it didn’t. Everyone told me I should have given up on my job after that, to enjoy the extra time that was given to me to spend with my family.”

“And you’re still wearing the uniform now.” Shiro notes.

Tex nods. “I could have quit, but it would have meant I had to stop doing something I love the most. I’m using my borrowed time the way I want to, and so should you.”

Shiro smiles the calmest smile he’s been able to form in weeks. They leave Kerberos behind as their topic to talk about and instead focus on the desert and the upcoming colder nights. It’s a calm conversation, only interrupted when two other firemen come up to their table, dragging one of the cadets along with them.

“Look who we found.” One of them laughs as they pat their victim on the back and push him to the front. It’s Keith, laughing as he plays along with the older man.

“Hey son.” Tex waves.

“Hi dad.” Keith says. “I didn’t know you had training this week. I came across Gerard and Tony on the way here.”

“It isn’t lunch yet.” Shiro notices as he check his phone. “Did you leave class early?”

“We were allowed to.” Keith shrugs. “Professor Harris said he had some things to discuss with commander Iverson that couldn’t wait. Didn’t expect you to go on a date with my dad though. You know he’s taken.”

Shiro looks away, feeling his head grow red at what he knows is just a tease. “This is just two men catching up.” He sputters. Keith smiles and nods.

“I know. Plus, you wouldn’t dare to get mom’s anger over you.”

“Never.” Shiro agrees.

“I hear your girl is still out there scaring everyone she meets.” One of the men pats Tex on the shoulders. “I’ll never forget those intimidating eyes. I thought I was going to die when she visited.”

Shiro frowns at Tex in slight confusion.

“She had taken the bike out and I needed a ride back home.” Tex explains. “She came to pick me up at the station and hung out with the gang while I was getting ready.”

“We always knew he could get the best girls out there, but someone like Krolia is next level. Mysterious with that helmet, but definitely a beauty underneath.”

“A scary beauty.” The other man agrees. “But this guy is the only person who could keep such a woman under control.”

“Trust me.” Tex shakes his head. “She’s the one in control.”

“And she wouldn’t like you talking about her like this.” Keith adds as he crosses his hands.

“That too.” Tex nods.

An alarm on his phone pulls him out of the conversation. Break is over, the second round of fire drill starting soon.

“I’ll see you again soon, son.” Tex says as he ruffles Keith’s hair. “Make sure to come home sometime, your mom worries more than she wants to admit.”

“I realized.” Keith smiles. “I might ask Shiro to take us out for a drive next month. I miss home.”

“You can come back whenever you want.” Tex says before he walks away again. The cafeteria is empty immediately, with only a few officers sitting around for their own coffee break. A few minutes later, the first groups of cadets walk in for a quick meal between classes.

“Your father gives great advice, you know.” Shiro mutters when Keith sits down at his father’s spot.

“He does. It has helped me a lot.” Keith agrees.

“I can see where you got your persuasive methods from at least.”

“That’s not just dad.” Keith chuckles. “Mom is much worse than him when it comes to getting things her way.”

“I like your way though. It’s a soft push. Almost like commander Holt’s.”

“Does that mean that whatever I’ve been trying to get you to do, you’re going to do?”

Shiro nods in his coffee. “If the universe allows it, yes.”

“Then I’m proud of you, Shiro. I knew you’d go to that rock one day.” Keith grins, leaning over the table, only stopping just in front of Shiro’s face. It’s a beautiful sight and he wishes the coffee break never ends.

**…**

The day turns out to be longer than planned again. It’s close to the cadets’ curfew when he submits his last report of the day. He makes a quick stop by his office before heading to his apartment. There’s a single letter in his mailbox, officially sealed and addressed to him in full titles. He only opens it when he’s alone in his room and sits at the kitchen table. He knows the letter can’t be what he expects it to be. It would be too soon after all. But lately the Garrison is only toying with him, like he’s worth the unnecessary teasing. There is nothing better than knowing the chair can hold his full weight as he reads through the words.

_‘Congratulations mr. Shirogane, you have been selected for the Kerberos mission’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But I now finally get to throw Shiro to Kerberos *rubs hands*


	9. The Words You Need Are Your Own

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I survived midterms with good grades so far, so I finished this chapter. And I just really wanted to get this done, because I have so many scenes done for the next chapters (well... not the next one... that one has nothing yet).  
> Anyways, enjoy and as always, I'm editing while exhausted so all mistakes are 100% mine.

If Keith has learned one thing in the Garrison, it is that Shiro never sends a text without a good reason. Their messages are spread thinly through time, any appointment for races or study meetings made either after class or in the hallways.

So when he gets a text asking for a race on Friday, Keith knows something is going on. Shiro’s face when he gets to the bikes that day tells him the same thing. There are more unplanned jumps on their course as well as sudden turns that make Keith wonder what kind of horrible thing could have happened. But there is still a smile when Keith passes him for the umpteenth time.

They park the bikes on the top of his mother’s cliff again, mostly because Keith hopes its calming energy will do good for Shiro. The sun has already set, the cold setting in the air. They won’t be able to stay outside much longer, not if they want to get back inside on time. But for now, they sit down together, waiting for the right moment to break the silence.

“I brought you here to tell you something.” Shiro starts as he looks over the cliff, across the outstretching desert.

“What is it?” Keith asks.

“I made it.” Shiro smiles. “I’m going to Kerberos.”

“Shiro that’s-“ Keith takes a quick moment to think about the action he should take. A celebratory hug, like he’d seen his parents do so many times before? That would be too much and misunderstood too quickly. So he settles on putting his hands down between his legs on the rocks as he looks up to the rising moon. “that’s amazing. I knew you could do it.”

“It’s thanks to you.”

Keith snorts. “Give yourself some credit, Shiro. It’s your skill that got you there. When did you find out?” He asks.

“I got the letter two days ago, the rest has been filled with meetings to get any preparation done.” Shiro says as he leans back and lets himself fall against the ground. “Mission details aren’t supposed to go out until next week, but I wanted you to be the first to know.”

“I’m honored.” Keith grins as he lays down next to Shiro, their feet dangling in the air high above the ground.

“Will you be okay with it?” Shiro asks. “I’ll be gone for a long time.”

“You’ll come back.” Keith smiles, as his eyes leave the stars and focus on Shiro instead.

“About that.” Shiro sighs and sits up again. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now.”

There is a newfound seriousness in his voice, a tone Keith hasn’t heard before. Kerberos wasn’t the reason for Shiro’s tense look before the race, this is.

“Even if the mission is a success, I might not be able to come back to the Garrison.”

“What do you mean?” Keith frowns.

“I-“ Shiro looks down at his right arm and rolls up his sleeve to show a watch. “I have a disease. I’m slowly losing control in my muscles. This-“ he points at the watch, “keeps my muscles lose with electrostimulations. But space is another level, they don’t know how my body will react to being out there for more than a year.”

“So that’s why you were hesitating so much.” Keith breathes.

Shiro nods. “The Garrison doesn’t want me up there, the risks are too big.”

“But they trust you enough to let you go.”

“My physical exams have been positive so far. Now it’s just the trip back they don’t trust.”

Keith lifts his hand, trying to reach out to Shiro’s before he stops himself. He lets the hand settle on his shoulder instead.  “I know you’ll come back, Shiro.”

A smile slowly forms on Shiro’s face, a wave of relief running across his features. “Yeah.” He mutters. “I will.”

It’s the first time he admits it.

**…**

The rocket meant for Kerberos is set on the far side of the base, needing some last adjustments before the thing can ever make it to the edge of the solar system. It stands tall over the other buildings, covering them in a shade of progress. The project started months ago, before the official announcement of the crew was ever thought about.

The moment the crew is known to the world, Shiro disappears from Keith’s view. He only sees the man on the interviews he watches back every night, to James’ annoyance. Every other moment, Shiro’s gone for training, either to build up enough muscle strength to return to Earth without disaster following, or to refine his piloting skills.

Keith misses the small opportunities to see Shiro. He even more misses Shiro’s voice echoing through the simulator during class. Shiro is a hero the public, the man who will fly further than any man has gone before. Keith is only a cadet, no one in a sea of similar faces, not meant to follow Shiro to the edge. Despite how much he wants to.

Iverson’s ‘lights out’ goes unheard for another day as he listens to Shiro’s voice through his earphones. He knows the interview by heart, or at least Shiro’s part. The mission is long, his piloting skills are perfect and he’s ready to spend the long time in space. Commander Holt and Matt add about the ice samples, the climate of the cold moon and the next step they will take in history. The only reason Keith listens to it is because the camera still has Shiro in view. At least until James grabs his tablet and tosses it in the corner of the room.

**…**

He doesn’t expect a message from Shiro a few weeks before the mission is supposed to launch, but his name lights up his communicator anyways.

_‘Meet me at the ship in 30’_ is all he gets and all he needs to sprint out his room. He’s at the ship in twenty minutes, with a number of warnings from the commanders that he shouldn’t run through the hallways on his back.

The Persephone greets him from the distance, completed and ready to fly. She’s carefully secured behind a fence Keith knows he can’t pass. He luckily doesn’t have to. Shiro waits for him in front of the gate, looking tired but content. A layer of fatigue washes from his face when he sees Keith. The dark circles underneath his eyes seem to no longer exist in the light of Shiro’s eyes.

“I’m sorry for messaging you so sudden.” Shiro says when Keith comes to a halt in front of him. He scratches the back of his head. “If I had known I was allowed to take you here, I would have done so before.”

“I thought you were supposed to be in quarantine.” Keith comments. “The launch is in less than two weeks.”

“You kept up with the interviews, didn’t you?” Shiro laughs as Keith gives a nod in response. “We’re going tonight, they’re giving us some time with our families around to show the ship first.”

“I’m not your family.”

“I don’t have anyone else to take here.”  Shiro  explains. It makes Keith’s heart sink and it’s clear on his face.

“It’s not that bad.” Shiro assures him. “My parents and my grandfather aren’t alive anymore and I don’t have a good relationship with my family back in Japan. You already know I’m more of a Holt than a Shirogane by now.”

“Can’t believe your family trip takes you to space.” Keith snorts. “But really, why take me?”

Shiro shrugs. “Maybe to make up for the races I’ve missed out on. I’m allowed to spend time with my friend, right.”

“Of course.”

“Let’s go in.” Shiro leads the way through the gates, giving a quick nod to the guard before they’re allowed inside. “We can get some time for ourselves before the Holts arrive.”

Keith nods and follows. The Persephone doesn’t matter to him anymore, but every word Shiro speaks about her specifications sounds like heaven.

**…**

The Holts arrive after thirty minutes: four people and a dog. Keith hears the shutter sound of a camera while he and Shiro look at the last parts of the ship. Commander Holt, Matt Holt and two women who he suspects are Matt’s mother and his sister.

“Shiro.” Commander Holt calls over when their short tour comes to an end. “I thought you’d be here already.” He turns to Keith. “It’s good to see you again as well, cadet.”

“Sir.” Keith greets, trying to quickly form a salute.

“At ease.” The commander smiles. “This is an informal gathering, it’s just us. I’m glad to see you here. I thought Shiro had forgotten to invite you.”

“He did.” Matt interrupts. “I had to fix this for him. _Again_.” He looks over at Shiro, before a hand is covering Matt’s mouth and nothing but inaudible muttering comes out.  

It’s only one minute in which Matt Holt makes every story about him true. The kind genius who doesn’t know when to keep quiet. It’s the type that made it to be Shiro’s best friend. It’s everything Keith isn’t. Yet somehow they still get along.

He lets Shiro to his crewmates, their laughter filling the silent air around the Persephone. Instead he walks to the Holt girl, who stands at the side with her dog. Keith crouches down in front of the animal, keeps his hand out and smiles as the dog licks his fingers before he starts to scratch her behind the ears.

“Bae Bae likes you.” The girl says.

“I like dogs.” Keith stands up, leaving Bae Bae to leaning against his leg in a sign of wanting more attention. “I’m Keith by the way.”

“Katie.” The girl says. “My dad and brother are on the mission, though you already knew that.” She leans forward. “So you’re the famous Keith. Shiro has talked a lot about you during dinner.”

“Right…” Keith groans as he ignores the fact that he’s apparently a popular topic. “Holt family dinner. I can’t believe you’re all just like Shiro said.”

“Ahw.” Katie coos. “He talks about us too?”

“Mostly about how annoying your brother is.” Keith shrugs. “I hope he doesn’t crash that spaceship just to get rid of him.”

“He would never.” Matt says as he jumps into the conversation and swings an arm around his younger sister. “You love me, don’t you, Shiro?” He looks at his friend, who scratches the back of his head.

“Job description says I need to make sure everyone gets to Kerberos alive, nothing about getting back to Earth though. Maybe some aliens want to pick you up over there.” Shiro shrugs with a smug smile on his face.

“I hate you. I fix your relationship and this is the thanks I get.” Matt mumbles.

The movement goes too fast for Keith to notice, but within a matter of seconds, Matt hisses in pain in response to what seems Shiro hitting him on the head.

“For that I might actually consider leaving you behind.”

“Don’t worry,” Katie grins at her brother, “I’ll come get you if that happens.”

“I don’t think that gives me much hope for rescue.” Matt groans. “Keith, can you at least get me then?”

“Sorry man.” Keith says. “Cargo pilots don’t really make it to Kerberos.”

“I can’t believe my own family and friends are turning against me.”

“If it brings any consolation, I doubt anyone would want to kidnap you.” Shiro comments.

“That means I’m actually going to be stuck on an ice moon!” The frustrated yell escapes Matt before he crosses his arms and walks away to his parents. “At least I hope you’ll enjoy the rescue mission simulation my story will give you.” He mutters underneath his breath before he can’t be heard anymore.

“You were right,” Keith says as he watches Matt talk to commander Holt, a playful frustration radiating from his body language, “Matt is a lot of fun to toy with.”

“Yeah Shiro,” Katie says, and Keith had almost forgotten she was still there, “so you need to make sure to tease him enough for me when you’re on the trip.”

“And if I don’t?”

“No more Holt dinners.” Katie states. She grabs Keith by his arm and drags him to her side. “Keith can take your spot as honorary Holt.”

“Wait?” Keith looks at her. “I’m not going to take Shiro’s spot.”

“You can’t say no to the title of honorary Holt, Keith.” Shiro laughs. “Once you get the position, you can’t escape. I’ve found that out myself”

“I don’t need to be adopted into a new family.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying no to mine.” Shiro shakes his head.

“I didn’t.” Keith quickly corrects himself. “But I already have one.”

“So,” Katie leans in. “You’re taking Shiro’s spot while he’s gone. It’s not that hard.”

“I’m not taking his spot while he’s still here. I’m not replacing him.” Keith argues.

“Not replacing him.” Katie shakes her head. “You’ll be a substitute. I’m sure Shiro is a better Holt than you anyways. Wouldn’t want to lose him.”

Keith sighs. There is no escape from Katie’s big, brown puppy eyes. “We’ll see, okay? Maybe you’ll find out you don’t want me to be a Holt after all.”

“There is no escape.” Katie grins before she walks away again to spend time with her family for as long as she still can.

Keith highly appreciates the silence he gets around Shiro for the next hour as they take another walk around the ship. The afternoon ends too soon, the Kerberos crew being picked up by Iverson to move to the quarantine area.

That night, Keith doesn’t have to listen to any old interviews. Shiro’s voice still echoes through his head for the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be fun


	10. Persephone Took My Man Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this time, but I promise the next one will be a lot longer to make up for it.  
> Also, a shout out to the sprinting channel in the Sheith discord Across the Universe. They really make me write a lot during the evening.

Classes get cancelled on the day of the launch. Too many people are involved in the next step of humanity, a number of them hanging around the ship before they have to get out of the danger zone. Just like the rest of the world, Keith watches Persephone take flight that day. Her strong, white color disappears in a bright flash as she leaves the atmosphere. It’s the closest Keith gets to Shiro’s piloting skills: watching a livestream on his tablet while sitting on his bed.

Despite the invitation to watch the Persephone up close before, he can’t be at the actual launch. Commander Holt was right. What they had was just an informal meeting. Anything beyond that is off limits for just a simple cadet.

Shiro’s face before entering the ship is beautiful. It’s the face of a man living his dream. Even underneath the helmet, the smile is clear. The three step inside, before they finally reach for the stars.

Quarantine had been too long for Keith. No interviews, no communications, nothing. Yet with the mission being official, the crew no longer on Earth, quarantine seems to have been shorter than ever. The mission takes an estimated 9 months and Keith counts down every single day, each second until Shiro comes back to Earth.

In the morning he checks the news to hopefully find updated mission details. On day 1 they pass the moon, all systems still working correctly. The Garrison probes register the white glow of the ship as she gracefully flies through the emptiness. It takes 18 more days to reach Mars and for the first site to post an audio of the crew. It’s a short, matter-of-fact conversation between the commander and Shiro about their current whereabouts. A soft remark about the beautiful color find its way through Shiro’s voice, and Keith feels himself melt into his matrass.

**…**

After some time, Keith has to leave the news about Kerberos behind for his classes, especially simulations. Still, information about the Kerberos mission has started to die down anyways. No one is interested in the repetitive news of the mission still going well. No one, except for Keith.

Late Spring comes with new exams. The stacks of books return to his room, but this time, there’s no escaping them. He should be thankful for getting to keep his own desk, all be it with its own mess of paper.

The most important part of the year are the entry tests. Specifically the piloting tests. Not all pilots can stay in their track and most of the ones that remain will need to be moved to cargo class. It’s no problem for Keith. Cargo class is within reach, already in his hands. He doesn’t need to try anything.

He sits down with Hunk and Lance again during dinner. The mac and cheese is almost nostalgic. It’s bland taste and lumpy texture are as bad as before, but now it feels special. It’s what Shiro loved most about the Garrison, next to flying. So it’s what Keith will learn to love as well. After flying, after Shiro.

“No entry test for you?” Keith asks Hunk as they find themselves a table.

The boy shakes his head. “Engineering isn’t the most popular track. No different specialties like piloting either. We’re all learning to build and repair the same things.”

“Think they’ll let anyone else into the advanced classes?” Keith asks. If cargo already teaches him how to fly, he may as well spend the rest of his time on something else. Something that might one day fix the wreck buried in the sand before his house.

“I’m pretty sure they will.” Hunk says. “You need to learn some engineering anyways. Plus you’re Keith. Everyone pretty much loves you, man.”

“I doubt it.” Keith snorts as he takes a bite of his macaroni.

“Your grades are amazing.” Hunk assures him, like that is all it takes to get the Garrison on his side.

“Sadly.” Lance groans in addition. “They’ll still expect you to enter fighter class. They might even beg you to join.”

“That spot is still yours.” Keith says as he takes the last bite and stands up. “I’m heading to bed. I still want to be ready for the test.” It’s a mere excuse. There are no new articles on the Kerberos that night. There haven’t been any for weeks.

**…**

Lance doesn’t steal his notes again, but Keith is sure that no notes can save the boy’s piloting skills. His score on the simulator is a low average, higher than most  pilots destined for cargo class, but far below James, Ryan or Ina.

Nothing in Keith tells him to take the fighter class exam, but he still steps into the simulator. It’s simply for the experience, to explore the limits of what he can do. Instructors nod softly with anticipation when it’s his turn. Classmates groan with the knowledge of what is to come.

The exam is a mix of a flight to a Mars base, combined with a section on quick maneuvers. The latter is no problem, the asteroids that appear on his screen leave gaps big enough to fly through, the movement in the rock unable to trap him. It’s the part where Lance, despite an earlier exclamation about being a tailor and threading through needles, crashed.

Keith makes it out of the asteroid field without a scratch, enters Mars’ orbit and lands the ship on the surface. It’s a rough landing, the difference in Galran and Earth gravity calculations biting back at him. Still he lands, and by the look on everyone’s face, he’s done an amazing job. A new record stands on top of the ranks. K.Kogane, right above T.Shirogane. It doesn’t feel right. After all, Keith never plans to replace Shiro.

He accepts the congratulations on the new record, but doesn’t care about it. He takes his leave to get a quick break before the cargo exam.

No one expects him to take it, like no one expected him to put so much effort into an exam that doesn’t matter to him. He breaks another record, but it feels less like a victory. The flying isn’t the problem, it never is. It’s the communicating, the checks inside the cargo bay, everything that doesn’t involve him piloting, that turns out to be a bother. He only wants to fly and see the stars.

Still, he walks out with a guarantee to stay in the Garrison and to fly, even though official details won’t be announced until the next semester.

**…**

When summer comes around, news about the Kerberos starts to show up again. They reach the front page with the upcoming landing on the distant moon. The picture used on the site is an old one. Shiro’s promotion picture is a beautiful sight, yet Keith is sure that nothing can compare to the smile the man must be wearing right now, watching the stars up close.

The Garrison releases one audio file for the first time in months. It’s short, but Shiro’s voice still sounds through his tablet.

  _‘This is Takashi Shirogane, pilot of the Kerberos mission. It is currently been 150 days since we left Earth. We are getting a clear visual on Kerberos. It’s beautiful out here. I wish you could see this.’_

The audio is broken, distorted through the long distance communication. They may already have landed on the planet, they may still be travelling. Still just hearing his voice warms Keith’s heart. The mission is a success, because in the end, Shiro will always be better at landing a spacecraft.

**…**

As the day of Persephone’s landing comes close, the news grows vague. No one can tell for sure if the ship has landed. It should have, it’s been days since the last broadcast. Yet the Garrison doesn’t give out any news.

The absence of official announcements makes Keith turn to the theories. Dozens of sites are more than glad to provide news without facts and Keith is one to take it all in. Maybe Kerberos radiates interference, stopping messages from coming out. It doesn’t though, they all know that. Maybe there has been a trajectory miscalculation, making the estimated landing take longer. It’s hard to believe, not with Shiro calculating these things. But of all the articles, there’s one kind he never reads: the crash theory. Because Shiro wouldn’t crash.

Days pass as no news from Kerberos arrives and Keith tries to stay awake each night until his eyes can no longer find the strength to stay open. He falls asleep without wanting to.

The next time he wakes up, it’s from a beep of his communicator, followed by more. It’s 11pm, an hour after curfew. The messages are all from Krolia, mix of concerned statements. _‘I’m sorry’ ‘Are you okay?’ ‘Come home, we’re here for you_ ’. The messages are heartfelt for something Keith knows he isn’t prepared for. He knows he shouldn’t, but still, he boots up his tablet and switches to the news.

Right before day 156, Keith’s world ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c


	11. When I Can’t Catch You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'stime for part one of the angst we all knew was coming :)

He doesn’t know how he gets through the night. In reality, he doesn’t. The night is a blur of images crossing his mind. It’s a moment where time goes too slow and sleep won’t come. For once, he’s all alone.

Still, he keeps himself under control, like he knows he should. He gets out of bed in the morning and watches James with solemn eyes.

“You okay?” The boy asks and Keith can only shrug in response. He isn’t okay, but acknowledging it will only bring him one step closer to losing it.

He doesn’t speak that morning. His breakfast stays untouched as he listens to the announcements over the intercom.

_‘Last night, we lost all contact with the Persephone and her crew. Most likely a pilot error has been the cause of this incident. Everyone is presumed dead. You are to stay inside until further notice.’_

Keith shivers under Iverson’s voice, calm and collected, like the world didn’t stop turning a couple of hours ago. Like their best crew didn’t disappear.

He leaves when Hunk and Lance walk in. They try to greet him, another concerned ‘how are you doing?’ added to it, but Keith walks on. He passes the gym and considers letting out his frustration there. But the new punching bag has him walk away again. It’s too new and Shiro is no longer there to cover for him.

_Because Shiro is dead._

Except that he isn’t. He can’t be. Shiro is the best the Garrison has to offer. He was healthy during the flight and worst of all, he promised to come back.

So Keith walks until he’s back at his room again. The sight of his bed is the only thing that gives a sense of safety. He burns inside his own skin. Throwing off his uniform, he curls underneath the covers, hoping that sleep takes him forever and brings him to the stars.

Neither of those things happen. Instead the stars haunt him, laugh at him from where he can’t see them. The ones that fall down come back mock him. He can’t be by himself in the Garrison, not when classes are cancelled and he has one persistent roommate.

“Hey man,” He can hear James’ voice on the other side of the bed. His voice is muffled through the blankets, but the concern in it is genuine. At least Keith thinks it is. “are you okay?”

He isn’t. He hasn’t slept. He doesn’t need to look at his hands to know that they’re deep purple by now. He doesn’t dare move, afraid that he’ll tear the bedding apart with his claws. He’s too hot, but he know that the world outside is too cold to face.

He groans in an answer to James’ questions and curls deeper into his sheets.

“Is this about Kerberos or are you actually sick?” James asks. “Because if you are, you should get yourself checked out before you’ll infect others.”

“No.” Keith mutters. His voice is raw, exhausted from crying all night and keeping himself under control somehow. “I’m fine, I just…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. He can’t find the energy to. He isn’t okay, and won’t be for a long time.

 “I need my mom.” Keith groans as he hugs his blanket close.

It feels pathetic and weak, but he knows he can’t stay at the Garrison any longer. Not like this. He needs his father, needs his mother to tell him he’ll be fine. That when he’s one with his human side again, Shiro will be back in the Garrison again, telling him how proud he is. Except that Shiro is dead in space to the entire building.

“Look, you heard commander Iverson as much as I just did.” James says. “Classes are cancelled with this accident. And I’m sure everyone is too busy to call your mom.”

“James.” Keith growls, with the last pieces of energy he still has stored inside of him somewhere. He hates the word accident, because there can’t be an accident with Shiro’s skill. Anything that has gone wrong on the mission, can’t be the fault of the crew.

James sighs and shakes his head. “Fine.” He says as he walks to the door. “But if this is all an act, I swear I’m going to kill you.”

Keith doesn’t answer even if an offer to be killed sounds so tempting. Instead he curls up deeper and tries to focus on his breathing. He fails, hyperventilating into his blanket. He wishes he could black out and leave the world behind. He can’t. The world is muted, but still there. It takes an eternity before he hears his door open again.

He can make out the two sets of footsteps, but he doesn’t look up. He just needs to breathe again. He feels someone tugging at his blankets, but he won’t let go.

“Come on, cadet.” It’s a voice he doesn’t recognize. It isn’t Iverson. Of course it isn’t Iverson. The man is too busy with trying to cover up the Kerberos mission to deal with cadets.

“He’s been like this the entire night. I doubt he even got breakfast in the hour he was out.” It’s James again. “Said he only wants his mom.”

“We already have enough going on right now.” The other man sighs. “We might as well send him back home for the time.”

The small confirmation makes Keith relax slightly. Still his body is on edge and he can feel every alien part of him come out. He won’t show his face to the room. He nor the Garrison are waiting for a second disaster in one day.

“We’ll call his parents and have them pick him up.” The man sighs. “Keep an eye on him, cadet. I don’t need more trouble as it is.”

“Yes sir.” James answers.

When the door shuts again, Keith lets himself drift. Even if he can’t sleep, it’s better than to face reality. James has learned not to talk. The shuffling in the room dies down, leaving silence behind.

It makes things worse. He’s left alone with his own heartbeat, echoing in his head, the sign that _he_ is still alive. He digs his nails in his arm, because feeling pain is the only thing he can do. If Shiro has to suffer in space, then Keith is sure to suffer on Earth for him.

He isn’t sure if it’s the dreams that finally get to him or if it’s a haze of his own wakeful imagination. He can see Shiro on Kerberos, the beauty of a barren moon coated in surrounding darkness. Then, the darkness is all there is, engulfing the crew, dropping them into a bottomless pit. And Keith can’t stop it. As long as they fall, they’re still alive and that’s the only thing he can hold on to. He can’t catch them, but they won’t shatter to pieces at the bottom if there is none.

With the sound of the door opening once more, the pit disappears from his thoughts. Instead, he’s back in the darkness of the blankets surrounding him. The footsteps are harsh to his ears, too loud in his own little world.

“Hey son.” The voice of his father is somewhat grounding. Yet at the same time, it’s strange to hear such a familiar voice again. “Think you can get rid of these sheets?”

Keith shakes his head, though he guesses it isn’t a clear gesture. “Don’t want them to see.” He mumbles.

“No one is in the room right now. I need you to get down and at least wear some clothes if I want to take you on the bike. Once we get home you can hide again.” His voice softens. “I’ll make sure no one sees your hands or eyes.”

Keith nods softly as he finally removes the covers from his face. The room is filled with light. It must be at least late in the morning or early afternoon. He can’t figure out how much time has been between getting breakfast and falling asleep, but it’s enough for his eyes to get used to the dark again. His eyes slowly adjust, still burning from crying for hours.

His hands look worse in the light. The deep purple runs to his elbows and his nails are much longer than the last time they grew out. The blanket doesn’t survive the movement, like Keith had already expected. It’s a miracle his jacket makes it out alive. The purple of his skin clashes with the red. When he looks back at his father, he can see a pair of gloves hand out to him. Instead of the usual black, fingerless ones, they cover his entire hand, oversized to accommodate for the claws.

“We’ll get new ones.” Tex smiles as he sees the tip of a nail already poking through the fabric. “Here.” He says as he places a pair of goggles over Keith’s face. They’re his own for racing, glasses reflecting to the outside world. “Make sure no one sees your eyes. We’ll tell them you cried too much.”

Like it isn’t the truth already. If his eyes weren’t glowing with yellow scleras, he would still cover them to the outside world.

With a strong hand on his back, his father leads Keith out of his room. The rest of his belongings can come later, he assures Keith, they need to get home first so Keith can properly deal with his emotions. The hand is the only thing that keeps him going. The voices around him are muted in his head, the heat outside is too much to his already burning self. There are more people when they leave the building. A flow of questions surrounds them. Reporters, wanting answers on the sudden news of the crash.

Through the crowd, they reach their bike. With help Keith sits down behind his father, and digs his hands in the man’s chest. The voices are a blur in his mind, yet every time Shiro’s name gets mentioned, Keith feels his breathing hitch and his grip tighten.

The sputtering of the engine is the only thing he wants to listen to, the red sand of the desert the only thing he wants to see. Still, the desert carries to many memories he doesn’t want to relive. The cliffs where they watched the rain together, the valley where they met… Keith buries his face deeper in his father’s back. Somewhere along the way, fabric tears and skin breaks.

Keith doesn’t notice until the bike comes to a halt in front of their house. He can’t let go until he feels his fingers forcibly moved from skin. It’s only then that finds the strength to move again and to step off the bike.

His father’s white shirt is stained in red and ripped apart where Keith’s hands had been holding onto him.  

“I’m sorry.” Keith whispers, mostly because he doesn’t have the voice nor energy to talk louder.

“Don’t be. You can’t help it.” Tex answers, running a calm hand through Keith’s hair.

But Keith should help it. Even as his father guides him inside, he should help the heat running through his body. The tears growing behind his eyes shouldn’t be able to fall, but they do. In the arms of his mother, Keith can’t help but to let go of the last piece of control he’s held on to for too long.


	12. Dig Up And Reach Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write... but take it as it is now so I can move on again ^^; I want to make sure I get this fic done at least, even if I still don't know where I want end it exactly.  
> Also as I ended up editing this, I realized I forgot to add Tex.... I swear I didn't mean to OTL

The last time he lost himself, he was 12 years old. Back then he was still a child with a need to go out into a world he didn’t understand, a world that didn’t reach beyond the desert. It also became the first time the engine of the hoverbike gave up on him. Where it usually worked smoothly, it suddenly sputtered, stopped and dragged him off the bike and onto the hot sand. The attempt to run away from his problems had worked back then. Although a bit too well. He had been stuck alone for a few days before an overly protective Krolia never let go of him again. Whatever it was that he wanted to escape back then, Keith now is sure was nothing at all.

Now, once again in his mother’s embrace, her warmth settles the boiling blood in his veins. Yet, he wants nothing more than to run away again, to be stuck in the desert and not be found for an even longer period of time, maybe never.

But just like six years ago, Krolia doesn’t let him go. She buries her head in his hair and whispers every apology she can find, in every language they both know. Keith doesn’t understand what she apologizes for. After all, she wouldn’t have been able to stop the mission, the launch or anything besides that. Yet she tears herself apart over something that isn’t her fault, over someone she barely knows.

Krolia doesn’t mind the claws running across her arms and back. Her skin is  tougher than his father’s, but even then, the scratches build up across old scars. She holds him close, even as the strength in his body disappears and the only thing he can do is sob against her chest.

When his legs start to give out, they move to the couch. Layers of blankets shelter them from the world outside, covered in summer heat. It gives a sense of safety. It’s just like his bed in the Garrison dorms, except that he can truly let himself go here. He doesn’t need to hide the purple spreading across this skin. Both his parents have seen it before.

In the arms of his mother and surrounded by the smell of home, Keith calms down enough to finally enter a restless sleep. Images of Shiro, drifting in cold space, haunt him. Swallowed by nothing,  burned in a fire that won’t survive in space, Shiro floats further and further away. Far from his reach, until all Keith can note are the static words in a language Shiro should never speak.

**…**

He lets the upcoming days fly by without caring. He doesn’t even notice they’re days. The first time he wakes up again, any control he’s tried to muster is gone. It has already failed him during his dreams. The couch looks like it has been a prey to an angry cat. Maybe it has. His hands don’t hold fingers anymore but a set of claws instead. Yet with every time he lashes out in frustration, similar purple hands stop him, holding him until he can no longer fight back.

Every moment he drifts off in pure exhaustion, he wants nothing more than to wake up again. Dreams are where his worst thoughts can run free. It’s where every hope on a Garrison mistake is thrown out. The apparent crash gets replayed each time, every time worse than the last. Waking up in a reality where he doesn’t what happened is somewhat better. At least until everything comes crashing back once more.

He tries to run away, but he doesn’t make it far. Despite the room Krolia gives him, she doesn’t let him out of her sight. Every time his body tells him to set out into the desert, he makes it to the first cliff before a strong hand guides him back home. There’s a voice calling out to him, but he’s the only one who hears it. So gives up on chasing it, staying inside instead.

When he gives up on the going out, he stays by the front of the house. His purple claws dig through the sand, trying to do the only thing that keeps running through his mind. He’s convinced he can’t find answers on Earth. If he can get a ship, he can get to Kerberos. Galra ships, even fighters, are fast and strong, and he’s convinced that his theoretical knowledge can get him to fly one.

They never tried to destroy the old jet buried underneath the sand. Getting rid of it would be more trouble than keeping it. So it waits to be dug out, to be flown once more. But Keith can only scrape the cracked, purple metal before he’s stopped.

“If it would still work, I wouldn’t have stayed here.” Krolia says as she crouches next to Keith. He didn’t hear her coming. She brushes away the last bits of sand covering the cockpit. The side is cracked open, axe marks set into the metal. More sand covers the pilot seat inside. The wiring on the screens is fried, burned black from a fight and the crash. “It won’t get you anywhere without falling apart. Your piloting skills can’t fix a broken ship.”

“Can’t we repair it?” Keith asks, voice soft and throat still raw from the hours of crying during the days before.

“With the resources we have?” Krolia looks at him. “We wouldn’t get the same ship back. By the time you reach Kerberos, it will be old age that took Shiro away from you.”

Keith drops his hands in the sand. The ship lays still in the pit, waiting to be dug out more, but they all know it won’t happen. Somewhere deep in his mind, he has already given up on the chase.

“We’ll find a way, Keith.” Krolia says as she places a strong hand on his shoulder. “Just not like this.” Not by flying out.

Keith nods slowly. With shaking hands, they bury the ship again. Underneath a new pile of sand, it will never see the light again.

**…**

With flying being out of the question, Keith finds new ways to distract his thoughts. He sulks each day, but slowly, he learns to accept reality. Still, they never turn on the tv in the two weeks he’s spent at home. Because as much as he has accepted Shiro is not on Earth anymore, he will never believe the talk shows discussing the possible ways Persephone didn’t make it.

In the old shack, next to their house, are a number of old radios. Mostly all are stacked away for being no competition against the more modern versions. Some of them still receive the neighboring stations, but most are abandoned projects from Krolia. Projects to one day reach out and contact allies, even if it isn’t needed. The radios stay silent in the corner of the room, touched only by sand finding its way through cracked walls. That is until Keith makes the shack a new home, tuning each radio to wave lines he vaguely remembers.

The shack and the static are a nice comfort. As long as the static doesn’t pick up on the news, they’re great company. His parents let him stay in the building by himself with the knowledge he won’t run away from there.

Still, in a home of his own, he can’t avoid Krolia’s eyes or ears. The first time he gets a radio to reach further than Uranus, there’s a knock on the door. When he doesn’t answer it, the door falls to the inside, Krolia’s foot following its direction.

“Keith.” His name sounds like an accusation, woven into the same worry as every time before. She sits down next to him, but Keith doesn’t look at her. He can feel the concern she’s emitting. She has all right to. “My communicator picked up signals from you.” She says as she looks at the radio on the floor. “This won’t get Shiro back. You know that.”

“I had one reach deep space before.” Keith tells her. “If Shiro is out there then-“

He doesn’t get the time to finish his sentence. As he tries to in to the waves, the radio gets crushed underneath his hands. Wires cling to Krolia’s claws as she pulls back.

“You can’t help him like this.” She sighs. Any trace of earlier accusation is gone. There is only concern he doesn’t want to hear. “Whoever is going to pick up on these signals isn’t who you want it to be.” She doesn’t have to tell him.

“He’s still out there.” Keith whispers. He tries to salvage the machine, but fails. Not even the tiniest bit of static comes back to him.

“He is.” Krolia nods as she pulls Keith close. “But if you want to know how he’s doing, you need to let me handle this.”

“I know.” Keith sighs as he lets himself fall against his mother. “But I want to be here for him.”

“You won’t help him by bringing yourself and your planet in danger. There are many more things you can do for him. Right here.”

“Like what?” Keith asks. But Krolia softly shakes her head.

“You’ll see. Right now, you need to believe he will come back.” She says as she moves her hand through his hair.

“How can you be so sure he will?”

“Because it is meant to be.” She assures him. She doesn’t tell him the details, yet her gaze drifts off to the window, where the cliffs are waiting.

…

It takes at least another week before he doesn’t run away anymore. Another week before Krolia can stop worrying about him trying to reach out again. He abandons the shack. It isn’t a defeat, it will never be, but he has learned his place. He’s meant to stay on Earth, or at least inside his own system.

“I should return to the Garrison.” Keith says one morning. He lays on the couch, zapping away on the old tv. The talk shows don’t hurt anymore. They are only harmless lies. Summer is starting and something deep down reminds Keith it’s been a year since he got accepted into  the Garrison. More than a month since he decided to walk out.

“You don’t.” Krolia says as he looks up at him. She’s sitting at the dinner table with a number of maps. “They issued an early summer break. You won’t be needed until next month.”

Keith sits up at that. His hands have returned to normal a few days ago, not a trace of Galran left on his skin. As if nothing ever happened.

“You know,” Krolia sighs, “your commander told me they would love to have you in the fighting class. I know I always told you to, but with how things are going,” she shakes her head and turns to him, “take that position if it calms your nerves.”

Keith turns off the tv, the image of an old documentary about the Garrison fading to black. “Lance fought for that spot. I told him I wouldn’t take it from him and I won’t.” He says. “And like you said, nothing here can prepare for what might be coming.”

Krolia nods. “It doesn’t mean they can’t teach you new things though.”

“I’m taking engineering classes next semester.” Keith shrugs and walks to her. The maps on the table are of distant systems. Suns and black holes cover the area. They’re all hand drawn over the years, because nothing on Earth can compare to the technology his mother once had and the knowledge is one they don’t want to lose.

“The engineering cargo pilot.” Krolia grins. “Somehow that doesn’t seem like the brightest future.”

“Neither did spending my life out here all the time and look where that ended up.” Keith says as his fingers trace the dark objects on the paper. They’re clearly places Krolia has an attachment to, the coordinates written down carefully at every spot.

“I have a plan, Keith.” Krolia says. “But know that there is no guarantee it will work. I’ve been missing from the ranks for a long time and I do not expect anyone to make a sacrifice for an unknown prisoner.”

Keith raises and eyebrow at that. “What do you mean, prisoner?”

“You and I both know he didn’t die on that moon.” Krolia sighs. “Which would leave us with one possibility.”

“The signal I got with Shiro.” Keith whispers as realization hits. “We didn’t receive it because we reached out that far. They were already close… We didn’t call them here, did we?”

Krolia shakes her head. “They wouldn’t have cared about it. They’ve been around here before and if they left after finding people on Kerberos, they aren’t interested in this planet.” The ‘for now’ goes unspoken.

“So?” Keith asks. “What do we do now?”

“We wait for my team to respond.” She says as she rolls up the map again. “And then, we get the information we need.”

“What about me?” Keith asks.

“Go back to the Garrison. Learn what they know and what they try to hide from you.” Krolia closes her eyes and lets out a long held breath. “Something big is coming, and we need to be prepared when it does.”


	13. On My Own, Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again! This chapter took so long and I'm defenitely not happy with how it came out, but it's here now. Life got busy and I also started to work on Sheith prompt bang. But it's good to be back in this fic again for sure!  
> Also please check the end notes ^^;

It’s strange being back. Outside the building, a new batch of students waits for their first tour around the barracks. Keith walks past them, determined to get to his room and spend the rest of the day inside to limit his day to as little social interaction as possible.

He walks back to his old room, the numbers of each door a familiar sight to his eyes. The place is  just like when he left it, except as empty as the day he first arrived. He’s never been one to decorate the place, but now, not even James’ messy notes greet him in a sense of a ‘welcome home’.

He throws his single bag on the table and takes looks around the place. There’s pages of paper on the table already, schedules of classes and expectations for the first week. He laughs to himself, the idea of early morning drills almost sounds nice. Iverson’s yells in his ears seem a welcoming sound compared to the silence of the desert now.

There’s a soft knock on his door. When it slides open, James walks in, emptyhanded and without a clear intention to stay.

“You know you don’t have to knock to get into your own room, right?” Keith says as he looks up.

“Good to see you’re still alive too.” James steps inside and leans against the wall with a grin. “Are you sure you should be back? You took the Kerberos news pretty bad.”

“I’m fine, James.” Keith says. “You don’t have to babysit me anymore.”

“I won’t do that anyways. We’re not roommates anymore.”

“Really?” Keith asks. Even if roommates were never set for the entirety of their time in the Garrison, he didn’t expect James to suddenly bail on him. Or to be moved away from him.

James shrugs. “I didn’t complain about being your roommate, but it seems they moved me to Ryan.”

“So if you’re not here to move in with me, what are you doing here?”

“Last time I saw you, you were crying over the crash. I honestly didn’t expect to see you back here.” James shrugs.

“Well,” Keith says, “I am and I’m not leaving.”

“I’m glad.” James smiles. “I wouldn’t want to see you go.”

“So,” Keith sits down on the top of the table, “if you’re not my roommate anymore, any idea who is?”

“No, but they should move in soon enough.” James shrug. “Maybe they’ll give you someone who can use some lessons for piloting.”

“Lance looking for a new roommate?” Keith grins.

“If only. He’s still two halls down.”

“Thankfully.” Keith laughs softly. “Don’t need him to steal more of my stuff again.”

“Well, it’s good to see you’re not having a panic attack anymore.” The smile on James’ face is genuine, the softness in his eyes one he couldn’t fake. “I need to get back to Ryan, but I’m glad you came back.”

“Wouldn’t want to miss out.”

James gives him a short wave before he steps out, leaving Keith in the emptiness of the room again.

His new roommate comes in an hour later. The boy is nothing like James’, definitely not one to go after a piloting career by the looks of it.

“Hey,” the boy says, “I’m Pidge.” His hair is unruly and uneven. A recently bad haircut for sure.

“Keith.” He greets back without much care. The bare room is a new start, a new year, an entire different scene. Shiro isn’t there to watch him progress, but the steady presence of him being alive is enough to keep going. It also means he can’t care to get close to his new roommate, or anyone he hasn’t met before. The year is a step he wants to take by himself.

They don’t talk much. After establishing that this time, Keith takes the bottom bed, they do their own thing. It almost makes him miss James, who would at least start some sort of conversation when homework wouldn’t be around. Pidge on the other hand, settles on his bed and doesn’t leave, not even when the time for dinner comes around.

“Are you coming?” Keith asks as he makes to the door after waiting long enough to be sure there are no new cadets crowding the cafeteria. “You’re going to miss the only day we’re getting decent food.” It is the only day without the usual bland favors, a treat for those who only just start their adventure. It isn’t _good_ food, but it’s better than the rest of it. Definitely better than the sticky macaroni.

Pidge looks up for a moment, the lays down his tablet and nods. “Yeah, I uh,” he shakes his head, “wait a minute and I’ll come with you.”

Keith hums in acknowledgement and leans against the wall. It takes Pidge more than a minute to climb down the bed, run into the bathroom and come back out again. For a senior cadet, the boy is a mess. Maybe even worse than Lance.

“Ready?” Keith asks. “They’re not going to wait for us much longer.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Pidge shakes his head. “Hard time getting used to things.”

“I feel you.” Keith laughs. “I still don’t understand everything. I probably don’t want to know how your three years have been.”

He is met by silence. The boy walks a bit behind him as they go through the hallways. They’re the last ones to arrive, food almost cold by the time it lands on their plates.

“What track are you in anyways?” Keith asks underneath a bite of cold potatoes.

“Communications.” Pidge shrugs.

“Cool.” They won’t share any mandatory classes then. They don’t have to get close. It is the one piece of luck he’ll take for the day.

**…**

The first time back in the simulator is a blessing. Despite the simple flight patterns and the extra weight underneath his wings, flying takes his mind away like usual. He’s fed with the promise of being allowed to take actual flight soon. A few more weeks of simulation and the sky is his.

He doesn’t remember any of his classmates. He isn’t sure is he’s met them before or never noticed them. None of them are bad per se, but their skill is lacking, waiting to be improved by exercises they aren’t given.

Perhaps the cargo class was a mistake. Perhaps he should have listened to the surrounding voices wanting to bring out his talent. It’s too late for that now. Whatever Keith can get to see the sky, he’s learned to take.

When he sees Pidge outside of their room, he’s accompanied by Lance and Hunk. A nonchalant arm is draped over the boy’s shoulder, making Lance lean deeply to the side to make such a move possible.

“Oh hey, Keith,” Lance waves at him from the other side of the hallway, “how’s cargo going?”

“How’s crashing the simulator going?” Keith asks in return.

“Good, I mean…” Lance shakes his head, “I have the best team. Have you met our new guy yet?” He pats Pidge’s head softly, his hand quickly pushed away by the younger guy.

“We met. We’re roommates actually.”

“Can’t believe James dumped you after Kerberos. That’s rough.” Lance says playfully.

“He didn’t _dump_ me, we were both assigned new roommates.” Keith groans.

“What happened with Kerberos?” Pidge looks at Hunk, hoping for an answer from his side, but Hunk only shrugs with a muffled ‘I don’t know’.

“He disappeared in the middle of a lockdown. James said he had a breakdown.” Lance grins as if knowing is the biggest accomplishment he’ll ever achieve.

“And I’m fine now.” Keith says. “So how about we drop that subject.”

“Sure, man.” Lance frowns. “We’ll see you at dinner, okay?”

“Yeah.” Keith sighs. He almost wants his engineering class to take forever. A class together with only Hunk is a blessing to his exhausted soul.

**…**

If there’s anything he can still one up Lance on, it’s taking flight sooner than their entire team. He isn’t the one with the premiere. That’s James as he and Ryan take to the skies before the cargo pilots are allowed to take a closer look at their jets. His thoughts tend to drift off to the ships a few hangars away, filled with jets that are more agile and have better speed. Yet, when his hands curl around the controls and the skies are clear for him, he forgets everything else. His hands move without him thinking about it. The controls are a second nature, already programmed in his movement before he gets a chance to act consciously.

There is no one to chase, no battle to think about, only a delivery from point A to B. It’s a flight above Garrison ground with a landing back at the hangar. The flight is short, his spot quickly taken by a classmate doing the exact same exercise. His cargo arrives safely and undamaged. There is a compliment about his calm flight. He doesn’t want to admit something in the back of his mind wanting to fly faster, taking sharper turns to get a better approach to land. But it’s a job well done, which is all he needs to be allowed another flight soon.

**…**

He does well at keeping Pidge away from him. Even at dinner, where Lance and Hunk still find him almost every evening, the boy stays far away from him. Pidge sits down on the other side of the cafeteria, head above books and machinery as he eats.

Pidge is perhaps a worse roommate than James once was. Within a month time, the room is cluttered in paper and lose wires. No morning goes by where Keith doesn’t find a chip stuck underneath his foot.

The boy is drawn to himself, not talking when it isn’t needed and hoarding his privacy like it’s the only thing he has. Keith can’t judge, he clings to his communicator as the only possession he needs as well. The blade underneath his pillow is a reminder, his mother’s messages a confirmation.

No news is supposed to be good news. But every uncertainty is killing him. No one is coming to Earth, but it only means they’re drifting further away; harder for Keith to reach. Yet his mother tells him to believe, which is everything he can cling onto.

Pidge on the other hand, doesn’t cling to things. He builds instead. Project after project is created in between assignments. Trackers, power distributers and most of all: radios.

It is that which catches Keith’s attention the most. A small brown radio, covered in wires and antennas that it didn’t have before. Keith sits on his bed with a book on mission analysis when he sees the thing come up for the first time.

“Where did you get that?” He frowns as he points at the radio.

“This thing?” Pidge answers. There is a hint of desperation in his voice, looking for a way out. “I made it.”

It’s a lie. Keith’s memory is strong enough to remember any object that has come in contact with alien life. And Matt’s radio is one of those.

“That’s Matt’s.” He mutter as he crouches on the floor next to Pidge and lets his hands run around the buttons.

“Could you maybe not touch my equipment?”

“It’s not yours.” Keith shrugs as he tries to tune into the right frequency. He doesn’t know what it is that lets his fingers move like that in front of his roommate. Despite knowing not to reach out anymore, he falls into a  memory.

But the voices through the static don’t give him anything but fear. The connection is stronger than it was more than a year ago or even a few months ago. He can understand parts of the spoken phrases, though anything outside of the imperial dialect is hard to follow.

He shuts it off, tuning out until it’s only English that falls to his ears again.

“How did you do that?” Pidge whispers, “Matt said this thing was broken.”

“I told Shiro that.” Keith whispers. “The radio works, but it’s useless. We won’t be able to reach him.”

“You were close, weren’t you?”

Keith nods.

“They aren’t dead.” Pidge says. “I hacked into Iverson’s computer before. There is no evidence of the crash.”

He doesn’t answer her.

“I’m going to find Matt.” She adds in a soft tone of determination.

“Katie.” Keith says. “I know you want to find him, but we can’t try to contact them. Unless you want to get the same people that took your brother to destroy Earth.”

“God, I can’t believe you’d be one to take after the alien theory.” Katie shakes her head.

“Then what do _you_ believe.”

“I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “I can only believe they’re not dead.”

“I have proof they were taken.”

“Show me.” Katie leans closer.

“Not now.” Keith shakes his head. “But later, if we get the chance to go out, I’ll tell you everything.”

“You better. You owe it to me as a Holt.”

“Last time I checked, I was still a Kogane.” Keith smirks.

“Then you don’t get any say about the radio my actual brother gave me.” Katie smirks.

Keith groans. “You weren’t lying about making me a Holt.”

“No escape from it.” _Ask Shiro_ , he feels coming after it, yet there is no way to gain an opinion on the experience. He falls back on the bed again, letting his book fall on his face in the hope the dark edges around the text will answer his questions instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I was working on upcoming chapters, I was wondering... would anyone be interested in a Shiro POV in Galra captivity? I have around 3-4 more chapters planned for sure, but it could be fun to add one more.


	14. Dinner Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas? I hope you all have good holidays coming up.   
> Season 8 was a wild ride I won't acknowledge tbh... But this isn't my discourse place, so let's just enjoy a new chapter. I'm trying to at least get this fic done. Should be 4-5 more chapters.

She doesn’t stop. Something in Katie’s, now Pidge’s, mind has decided that trying to reach out is the only thing to do. Matt’s old radio is on their shared table more often than not. They’re of similar minds when losing someone dear, and it because of that that Keith has to resist telling her the truth. Each time he has to fight the urge to tune it back for her in whatever hope there is to finally reach Shiro. But he doesn’t.

He knows not to try again. Not with the new messages overflowing his communicator each night. There has been contact. No answers, but their Earthly presence is known. He has to wait longer, hope for someone to see the opportunity to look out for a human in space. Or three humans for that part. He knows Pidge won’t forgive him if they end up with only Shiro back in their arms again.

Having her as his roommate makes one thing easier though. He doesn’t need to hide anything, just like she doesn’t need to hide from him. Sure, she doesn’t know his heritage, but he’s the guy that believes in aliens which, in some way, is close enough.

He won’t admit he’s accepted the title as Holt, not when Pidge’s mother has never had any say on the entire thing. Yet, Pidge is the closest he knows he can find that’s like his family. Hunk and his friendly cooking don’t count. No, family doesn’t bring the good food, family brings the constant reminder of the world outside of his own.

With Pidge, that reminder comes in the sound of static hanging around the room. She hasn’t found the frequencies, despite being the one in the communications track.

“Can you stop working on that thing?” Keith sighs after a week of constant noise. He’s sitting at their shared table, covered partially in wires and partially in notes. In a failing attempt at studying, a book is laid out in front of him.

“No.” Pidge states without looking up at him. “Because unlike you, I’m actually trying to get my family back.”

Keith sighs. There is no way of  convincing her with no evidence of her plan not working. “Can you keep a secret?” Keith asks as he leans back against the bed.

“I’m pretending to be someone else, I’m pretty sure I’m doing okay.”

“I’m serious here. We can take a bike out this weekend, but you need to promise me not to tell anyone what you see.”

“I won’t. Now what will you show me?”

“Answers.” Keith says and closes the book.

**…**

Getting a bike is different without Shiro’s immediate approval. There are forms to sign and strict curfews to hold on to. They get three hours before the bike needs to be back in the hangar, undamaged.

The trip to the house takes about an hour by itself The bike is slowed down by the extra weight in the back. He can’t take the fast but risky route, unfamiliar with the newfound gravity pulling him down. They may  be tracked, but they have been many times before. Is adventures around the cliffs are known to his commanders, the location of the house vaguely described on his personal info. There’s nothing wrong with a visit home. Still, they park the bike a few cliffs away from his home and walk the rest of the way.

The hot sand licks their boots, trying to find a way in. It doesn’t work, Garrison uniforms are at least good for one thing.

After ten minutes, the lonely house appears in his sight. It isn’t Krolia they find first there. Instead his dad is sitting outside, like had when Keith first brought a friend over. This time, he doesn’t blink when Keith walks up.

“Another friend?” He asks, as he leans forward to get a better look at Pidge.

“Yeah, we’re roommates.” Keith shrugs. “Is mom home? We need to see her.”

Tex points at the door. “She just started dinner. I think it might be best for me not to go inside yet after a long day already.”

“Yeah, that might be for the best.” Keith laughs before he turns to Pidge. “Wait here I’ll talk to her first.”

He walks up the porch and into the house. The living room is already filled with the smell of fire. Nothing unusual, and apparently not bad enough to throw his dad into a panic yet. He knows Krolia has already heard him before he can see her, but still he knocks against the walls as he steps into the kitchen.

“I didn’t think you’d be back already, did something happen.” Krolia asks while holding the hind leg of a coyote in her hand. On the stove, a black mess is softly smoking. She doesn’t look back at him.

“Yeah.” Keith leans against the wall. “There’s someone who wants to meet you.”

“I thought we made an exception back with Shiro already.”

“It’s Katie Holt.” He says. “She deserves to know what we know.”

“Holt as in the Kerberos Holt?”

Keith nods. “She wants to find them. If they were taken with Shiro, we might be able to do something for her.”

“You know we can’t unite every family that got separated in the war.”

“I know, but we can help her. And she can help us in return. She’s hacked into the Garrison before. She has more information about what they’re hiding than we do.”

“Alright.” Krolia sighs. “Let her in.”

Keith smiles before he turns back to the front door. He finds Pidge at the old bike next to the shack, rummaging through its exposed  wire. With the way his father looks over at her, he guesses he had no power to stop her.

“Hey,” Keith greets, “mom said it’s okay to come in. Just don’t freak out, okay?”

“My own mom is scary, Keith. I’m sure I can handle yours.”

“That’s what Shiro thought as well, but he was pretty terrified the  first time.” Keith says. “Then again, she did threaten to kill him before he could even say anything.” He adds quickly.

“Do I really want to meet her?” Pidge pales.

“I thought you wanted answers on what happened to your family?”

Pidge groans. “Fine. Let’s go.”

She is much more prepared than Keith could expect. The moment the door opens and she sees Krolia on the couch and her mouth falls open, but she recollects herself in mere seconds.

“Dude, your mom is purple.” She whispers. “And also burning down your kitchen… But still,” she looks at him, a sparkle hiding in her eyes he recognizes from when Shiro first came to a same realization, “this explains so much.”

“This is Krolia, my mother.”  Keith says. “Mom, this is Katie Holt, or my roommate Pidge.”

“Infiltration.” Krolia hums. “A dangerous but important mission.”

“Do you have information on what happened to my family? To the mission?” Pidge asks and Krolia sighs.

“We should sit down for this discussion.” She says and walks to kitchen table. “Are you hungry? Some parts of the meat should be done already.”

They shake their heads and sit down. Their time in the house is short, every second spent eating is a second wasted.

“Your family is alive, at least from the last transmission we managed to receive.” Krolia starts. “They were taken from Kerberos and transported many systems away, possibly back to the command system, which means they’re out of reach for now.”

“How do you know this?” Pidge asks.

“There is a war out there.” Keith says, as he looks out of the window. “A terrible one.”

“My species are the ones who took your family, however, it is also my allies who could bring them back to you.”

“How?” Pidge frowns. “Why release them if they’re apparently good prisoners.”

“Because I am fighting against those who took your family and who took Shiro from my son.” She sighs and pulls out her communicator. “We just need more time for our leader to respond and take action.”

“And they will save the crew?”

“I cannot tell. It’s a risky operation and we do not know if they are all in the same location. It is to be expected they were separated almost immediately.”

“So this is useless.” Pidge crosses her arms, disappointment the only thing in her voce. The fact that’s she’s talking about alien life doesn’t seem to interest her anymore.

“Pidge.” Keith grabs her arm. “If we can get one of them back,” _if we can get Shiro back_ “then we can figure out a plan for the others.

“How?” Pidge snaps. “By flying out there? In which ship? Will you just let them rot out there?”

“And how would you save them?” Keith frowns. “You already said yourself that you can’t pilot. Your transmissions won’t do anything and hacking into the Garrison won’t send them back either.”

“If we work together, we have most chance to get one of them back safely. Who that will be is up to the Blades.” Krolia interferes, her voice calm.

“Anything they can do will be appreciated. Message them and see what they know about any human prisoners.” Keith says.

Krolia nods. “I’ll keep you updated on anything the Blades send back. After that, we’ll make our plan. Meanwhile, see if there is any way to find information about their disappearance. Surely your commanders will have something.”

“We’ll get him back.” Keith nods.

“ _Them_.” Pidge pokes him in his ribs. “We’re saving my family just as much as we’re saving your hopeless crush.”

“Will you stay for dinner at least?” Krolia changes the subject, as she points at the bloody and burned mess.

Keith shakes his head. “We can’t. We need to go back now or they’ll never give me another bike.”

“Come back soon.” Krolia extends her arms, creating a space where Keith immediately buries himself in. The comfort of his mother’s warmth all he wants.

“Next time, he’ll be with us again.” He whispers against her. The hug strengthens with each word.

“He will.” She admits and that’s all he needs to hear.

**…**

The idea of a rescue gives him more energy than before. He’s restless with knowing that Krolia supports his efforts. Pidge’s radio is off the table at least, though Keith is convinced it’s still ready to be used.

Days turn into weeks, but Krolia stays silent. After a couple of messages telling him the Blades haven’t been able to respond, he gives up on trying. Now, he’s also done with waiting.

“This doesn’t work.” He sighs as the last round for lights out has been called. “We should start working on our own plan.”

“I thought your mom told you to wait.” Pidge leans over the edge of her bunk, hair flying around in a tangled mess on her head.

“She also told me to figure out what the Garrison is hiding. You’ve hacked into the system before, haven’t you?”

Pidge nods. “Yeah, but there’s  a level of security on some files that I can’t get to without being caught.”

“Can you download them?” Keith asks.

“I guess.” Pidge shrugs. “I tried with Iverson before, but there’s nothing useful in there.”

“What about admiral Sanda’s? She should have full access in the system.”

“We can try,” Pidge says, “but if we get caught, I’ll never forgive you.”

“We won’t get caught.” Keith assures her.

In the end, she can do nothing else but to believe him. They sneak out of their room, guessing the offices are no longer in use in the dead of night. The Garrison should be raising good soldiers, its commanders following the same rules of a strict schedule.

Pidge disables cameras and the system is no match against her quick typing. Keith stays on watch, his communicator handed to Pidge to assist in breaking through any security and to create a backup of their download. Percentages are whispered to him from inside the room. It’s a slow process and Sanda’s files are massive.

There are footsteps down the hall and Keith hisses a ‘we need to go’. The muffled sounds in response, he can only take as an acknowledgement. Within a few seconds, Pidge is outside again and Keith holds his communicator back in his hand. They both have a copy of the files, Pidge tells him as they quickly walk away from Sanda’s office.

Keith can still hear the footsteps, tracking them as they make their way through small corridors back to their room. There is no way to escape them, they soften, but show up on a different side all too soon.

When their own steps meet the other set, it’s the grey uniform that first catches Keith’s attention. He’s messed up for sure. The idea of getting kicked out is overwhelming until he sees the officer’s face.

Adam West looks strangely okay for the fact that his ex “died” in deep space. The dark circles underneath his eyes are the only noticeable thing, but explainable by the number of new cadets.

“It’s long past curfew.” Adam looks at them.

“We were outside, I needed to watch the stars and my roommate noticed I was gone.” Keith explains.

“We’re just heading back.” Pidge assures him.

Adam sighs and shakes his head. “This is still about Takashi, isn’t it.”

Keith feels his breath halt in the back of his throat.  It leaves him again in a shudder.

“We’re all still recovering from the tragedy, but it was his own choice to go out there. He knew the risks.”

“That doesn’t mean he isn’t still out there.”

“You are looking for a frozen body, cadet. Don’t repeat the same mistakes.”

Keith doesn’t answer, Pidge doesn’t dare to step in either.

“Don’t let me find you two sneaking around here again.” Adam pinches the bridge of his nose. “Next time, I will have to report you two. Now go back to your room.”

“Yes sir.” They both answer, Pidge’s voice filled with much more energy than Keith can try to muster.

When they get back inside, the  tension around them immediately vanishes.

“Who was that guy anyways?” Pidge frowns as she looks at the door, almost expecting Adam to walk right in again.

“Mister West from safety measures.” Keith sighs as he lets himself fall back on the bed, “he and Shiro were dating before the Kerberos mission.”

 “Wait,” Pidge blinks, “ _that_ was Adam? Didn’t expect that kind of guy with everything I’ve heard about him.”

“Well, not everything you’ve heard ends up being true, does it now.”

“I guess it doesn’t.” Pidge shrugs. “Do you want to look at our new files?”

“Not really.” Keith rolls over and buries his face in between his arms, “we’ll see if we have anything useful tomorrow, send any information to my mom after that.”

“Alright, see you tomorrow then.”

Whatever is in Sanda’s files doesn’t bother him. Whatever hope there is on tracking Shiro in the void is nothing compared to the utter exhaustion in his bones. So instead, Keith sleeps and wishes for a new day to bring answers.


	15. Plans in Whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took so long... It's a lot of dialogue that I just couldn't get to work together. I don't even know if I managed to get it done right now, but I needed to get it done to get to the parts I actually know how to write.  
> As always, any mistakes are mine!

Trying to hide from Sanda’s files doesn’t work. When he wakes up from a fitful sleep of worries, Pidge is already behind her laptop. The amount of coffee set on the table suggests she hasn’t had a moment of sleep.

She invites him over to sit by her, and while not even the strongest coffee can give him the energy for it, he takes a seat. He can’t escape it.

“Look at this,” Pidge says as she browses through the files. Through a layer of enthusiasm, a frown forms on her face, warning Keith that whatever greats she’s found, he won’t like it. She clicks on an audio file, a transmission. A low voice echoes through the small room.

_‘Emperor Zarkon, we were scouting system X-9-Y as ordered when we found these primitive scientists. I don't think they know anything useful.’_

_‘Take them back to the main fleet for interrogation. The Druids will find out what they know.’_

Druids. The worst ones to be handed over to, a bloodlust so high it doesn’t even show anymore. Instead, hidden underneath masks. Fiercest warriors cower in fear under the hands of magic. They were only stories told to him by his mother. But if she, the strongest person he had yet to meet in his life, would fear druids, then Shiro could ibkt be in trouble. And that was six months ago.

“Apparently they caught these transmissions when the Kerberos missions disappeared.” Pidge explains. “It isn’t much, but maybe we can figure out more about where they were taken from this. Whatever those druids are…”

“They’re trouble,” Keith groans, “we’re lucky if the crew comes back alive, even more if they’re still themselves.”

“You know them?”

“My mom told me about them before. They use powerful magic to torture prisoners.”

“Except that magic isn’t real.”

“Whatever you want to call the boiling of skin underneath a glow of lightning is up to you. I just don’t want to think about it happening to anyone.”

Pidge gulps. The image of Matt or commander Holt suffering such a fate is gruesome, Keith guesses. Just like the image of Shiro doesn’t leave his mind. Instead of floating in cold vacuum or being isolated in a prison cell, he knows his nightmares will let him hear the inhuman screams of torture from now on.

“I need to make a call.” He sighs. Pidge lets him go without any question, staring blankly at her screen in thought. He needs the familiar voice of his mother before his skin betrays him another time.

“How likely is that they would survive a druid?” He starts the moment he hears Krolia pick up. He doesn’t want to give her time to great him first, his thoughts racing.

“What are you talking about?” His mother asks.

“Shiro. We found a file about their capture. Zarkon, he commanded them to be brought to the druids for interrogation.”

“Keith,” Krolia’s voice goes soft at the sound of his nearing panic, “the humans are fine. Ulaz, a Blade, has located one at his current station. He’s trying to come up with a rescue.”

“What?” Keith falls silent, and for a moment, he forgets how to breathe. “When?”

“I can’t say.” Krolia sighs. “It could endanger his position, the time needs to be right.”

“What makes it the right  time? Would you want him to die first?”

“He will bring him back,” He can almost feel his mother’s calm embrace surrounding him as her voice goes soft. “But you need to know when to accept you can’t do anything.”

“I know.” Keith takes a deep breath. He only needs to know about safety, details about what he can and can’t do won’t make anything better. “We’ll see what else we can find here. Say hi to dad for me.”

“I will, darling. Know you can always come to us if you have to.”

He hangs up on her before she can make the offer of returning home too attractive. “Thanks mom.” He whispers to himself, before he lays the communicator back on his bed.

“Any good news?” Pidge looks up at him, a frown forming on her face.

Keith nods. “Apparently a Blade found one of the humans. They’re okay.”

“Did she say anything about the others?” She stands up and comes over with such hidden enthusiasm, it feels bad to shake his head.

“She didn’t say who was found or if the other ones are there.”

“I know you’re against reaching out,” Pidge sighs, “but what if we make our sending frequency so low, no one will notice? We can pick up their conversations without being found.”

“How do you want to do that?” Keith asks.

“There must be a reason your mom trusts you to have a communicator and talk about all your alien things together. If I can work it into a bigger system, who knows what we will find.”

“You think we might find out what Ulaz is planning?”

“We can try.” She shrugs.

“I don’t think there’s much more we can do. Might as well give it a try.”

The grin on her face grows. Within seconds she’s back at the laptop, tinkering with old equipment and radios to work on her plans.

Two nights later, they sit on top of the roof, making sure to avoid Adam this time. A radio, laptop and small satellite lay on the floor. Pidge has taken the task of listening. Her gaze changes from the sky to her screen, focused yet frustrated.

“This was a stupid idea.” Pidge throws the headphones of her head and leans back. “I can’t understand anything and I’m pretty sure this ‘Voltron’ thing they keep talking about is of no use to us.”

“Voltron?” Keith frowns.

“You know it?” Pidge asks. “These messages are filled with the word.”

“It’s a child’s tale. A set of lions forming the universe’s strongest weapon. My mom used to tell it to me when I was little.”

“So everyone is just reading their children to bed now?”

“No,” Keith watches the stars, “there’s much more going on. Give me.”

He motions at the headphones, which Pidge hesitantly hands over to him. She’s right. The word Voltron is repeated in every conversation he catches. They’re no stories to young Galra children or innocent creatures hiding from destruction with only little hope of ever being rescued. Instead, they’re warnings, wishes and premonitions. The arrival of Voltron is announced, the awakening of the black lion praised by Galra soldiers.

He looks at Pidge, face solemn as voices die out. “We should contact my mom. Something’s wrong.”

They almost call each other at the same moment, Keith only a few seconds faster at establishing a solid connection. Still, it’s Krolia who gets the first word, not waiting for the mention of Voltron to bring news that’s been waited for for so long.

“Ulaz’s plans have been set in motion. He has broken out a human prisoner from within the arena.” It’s a stating of facts, something Keith is all too familiar with.

“We’ve found some things as well. We should meet.”

**…**

They settle on a quick meeting in the middle of the desert. The red bike greets them in cloud of dust, purple helmet glowing in the sun. Krolia steps off the bike and leans against it. They’re only together for quick business, the trips with Keith and Pidge on one bike already to suspicious to some within the Garrison.

“Kolivan contacted me a few quintents ago.” She starts, “Apparently Ulaz has become interested in a human on board of Zarkon’s ship. He broke him out. In two weeks, the ship will enter Earth’s atmosphere.” Krolia says.

“Wait,” Pidge interrupts, taking a step closer, “if he will be here in two weeks, just how close are these dangerous aliens?”

“Multiple galaxies away at least. Escape pods might not be able to travel at light speed, but they can maintain the same speed as fighters. Two weeks is a maximum estimate.” She smiles softly. “And no, your radio signals didn’t catch anyone’s attention, but I’d advice that if you want information, you should keep it strictly within Blade frequencies.”

“About those,” Pidge says, “what do you know about Voltron? Keith says it’s a children’s tale but it’s being told everywhere.”

“They’re talking about its return. It’s not just a myth is it?” Keith frowns.

“All myths are built on a sense of truth, but Voltron’s is not one I can tell you yet.” Krolia sighs and shakes her head. Secrets, Keith knows, are what the Blades build on top off. A strong sense of trust between each other without knowing all there is thrown into the foundation of it. He is no Blade, but even without the chance of a proper ceremony, Keith knows what his mother is feeling. An explanation will come. Though perhaps later than his curiosity wants.

“Let us focus on the important details first.” Krolia looks out over the desert grounds. “When the ship touches down, we will need to be there to break out its passenger.”

“And you’re sure it’s-?” Keith barely dares to ask.

Krolia nods. “He’s coming home.”

**…**

 

They settle on keeping the rest of their communications restricted to calls. The outline of the plan is there, a number of Galra explosives ready to be planted in the desert, a hoverbike for a quick extraction and a home hidden enough to get at least one day before the next step will have to be taken. With Shiro taken by Galra for a year, having the Garrison have him is not an option. They’re inexperienced, unfamiliar with the threats that hang over them. Rambling about aliens is a sign of madness, information about the crew surely left out in any interrogation. It’s no risk they want to take themselves.

“We’ll need an extra hoverbike.” Krolia’s sigh is clear from within the static of their call. There’s only a week left, tension in their small room running high with each passing night. It needs to be perfect, or he loses Shiro again to the hands of people he is supposed to trust. “Our bike could carry five people, but if we want a certain escape, we’ll have to spread the weight.”  

“I could hack into the chip and disable the tracker, but I won’t be able to get close to one without being suspicious.” Pidge notes from behind her laptop.

“I could.” Keith says, “We’re checking out hover technology during engineering tomorrow.”

“Do you think you can remove a chip on your own?” Pidge asks.

Keith shrugs. “I could try. If Hunk can distract Fokker then it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Give him a ride, I’m sure he’ll get sick.” Pidge laughs softly. The rumors about her team always find their way to the cargo pilots. An inexperienced pilot and an engineer with horrible motion sickness, a joke to those that didn’t make it to the final cut.

“Whatever you need to do to get that bike, just do it.” Krolia groans from the other side of the line.

“I will.” Keith smiles. “Just make sure those bombs are still working after that crash.”

“They’re Galra bombs, they can take a beating.”

“Then don’t worry about the hoverbike. This is Shiro we’re talking about, I won’t risk it.”

**…**

During class, it’s obvious no one else has ever raced on a hoverbike before. They look at the bike as a piece of machinery, nothing more. What’s broken needs to be fixed. The way it gets done doesn’t matter.

Yet the bikes are alive. Even in their hideous orange color, they’re breathing machines. Keith has seen the inside of his father’s bike too many times. Each moment the engine started sputtering and the lift grew lower, the side would be broken open and inspected.

He doesn’t need to trick Hunk into distracting Fokker. His classmates do that for him, as they struggles to get through wires to inspect the turbines underneath it. Hunk, as he sits next to Keith, moves his hands around the machinery in a way Keith is familiar with. There’s respect for the bike woven within.

The tracker is small, but stands out next to familiar objects. His nails dig underneath it, wriggling it lose enough for his screwdriver to fit underneath and pop it right out. He hides it underneath the parked bike, in a crack of concrete. No one sees it, no one cares as parts of hover technology are about to explode under inexperienced hands. They won’t notice the bike is missing until it’s far gone.

Each night after that, he sits with Pidge on the roof. They both listen to the calling of Voltron through the emptiness. Every time, the talking grows stronger. So loud until until only one thing can happen.

“Are you sure it’s tonight?” Pidge asks when Keith sends a message out.

“Ask your own equipment. It’s busy, isn’t it?” He doesn’t need to wear the headphones to see the screens go crazy with activity.

Pidge nods. Within an hour, the night sky burns red through the sound of Garrison alarms. As the base shuts down under a zulu niner, they both run to their hoverbike while their communications reaching far into the desert. He’s back, he’ll be safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Ulaz knew Shiro for a while, but didn't have the chance to report back to Kolivan about it. So when he learned Krolia knew Shiro, he made more effort into breaking him out.  
> Next up: Shiro's POV of his escape

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a oneshot, but uhm... knowing myself, I'll probably add more because then I can add more Shiro/Krolia/Keith interactions and Keith being a smart Galra and I live for those things. But who knows, I sure as hell don't :') *looks at 3 more important projects and laughs*  
> -  
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Ahhuya) or [Tumblr](https://aulra.tumblr.com/)


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